“The Prayer of Peter”

Before we had St. Peter, we had Simon son of John, a married, knowledgeable fisherman whose friends and partners were other fishermen, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, the Sons of Thunder.  In Simon’s house lived his wife, family, his mother-in-law. He also had a brother, Andrew.  All of these people would be drawn to an intinerant preacher of the Word of God, Jesus of Nazareth.

What draws me to Peter is the simple exchange which happened between him and Christ after the Resurrection, and Peter’s words to Jesus: “Lord, you know everything; You know that I love you.”

These beautiful, humble words of our first Pope I pray often, as I relish the life of the great fisherman, who lived through astonishment, surviving his own big mouth, his brashness and exaggerations, his doubt, mistrust and fear, periodic serious lapses of faith coupled with sincere and intense declarations of love and faith, his cursing, repeated denials of the Lord with whom he lived so intimately for three years, to his final, humble protests of love which would lead ultimately  to his own crucifixion upside-down because he felt unworthy to suffer and die in the same way that his Master had died.

We cannot begin to appreciate this, Peter’s prayer, unless we have the backstory on Peter.   What is the everything to which St. Peter refers?

The Lord, Christ Messiah and Savior, knows EVERYTHING of Simon, son of John, who from the beginning Jesus calls Cephas, Rock, despite Peter’s over-confidence and eventual denial.

In John 1: 40-42 , we read:  “Andrew, the brother of Simon Peter, was one of the two who heard John and followed Jesus. 41 He first found his own brother Simon and told him, “We have found the Messiah” (which is translated Anointed). 42 Then he brought him to Jesus. Jesus looked at him and said, “You are Simon the son of John; you will be called Cephas” (which is translated Peter).

This seems to be the initial encounter.  Jesus clearly already sees what Peter’s role will be, though Peter himself has no idea what is coming. Jesus’ popularity grows as hundreds of hungry Israelites are drawn to his fresh approach to justice, mercy, to Yahweh. Crowds have already begun to press in on this young carpenter to hear what He has to say.

At the same time, or maybe shortly thereafter, Luke explains in his Gospel 1:5-8: “While the crowd was pressing in on Jesus and listening to the word of God, he was standing by the Lake of Gennesaret. 2 He saw two boats there alongside the lake; the fishermen had disembarked and were washing their nets. 3 Getting into one of the boats, the one belonging to Simon, he asked him to put out a short distance from the shore. Then he sat down and taught the crowds from the boat. 4 After he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Put out into deep water and lower your nets for a catch.” 5 Simon said in reply, “Master, we have worked hard all night and have caught nothing, but at your command I will lower the nets.” 6 When they had done this, they caught a great number of fish and their nets were tearing. 7 They signaled to their partners in the other boat to come to help them. They came and filled both boats so that they were in danger of sinking. 8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at the knees of Jesus and said, “Depart from me, Lord, for I am a sinful man.” 9 For astonishment at the catch of fish they had made seized him and all those with him, 10 and likewise James and John, the sons of Zebedee, who were partners of Simon. Jesus said to Simon, “Do not be afraid; from now on you will be catching men.” 11 When they brought their boats to the shore, they left everything and followed him.”

The signs performed by Jesus are so great that these fishermen abandon their livelihoods, committing themselves to follow him. How powerful must be their experience that they toss aside their need to care for their families, their homes, their boats, the emotional entanglements which each of them surely has, to follow this man Jesus.  None of them has any idea what His mission is at this point, but they must be convinced that He is being led by God.  They have no idea yet that He is the Word of God in very flesh.

They see repeatedly that Jesus has a personal touch. His spirituality is not remote, but immediate, warm, and personal. He comes into their homes, eats with them.  In Matthew 8:14-15  Jesus enters the house of Peter; and seeing Peter’s mother-in-law lying in bed with a fever, He touches her hand, the fever leaves her, and she rises and waits on Him.

Though personal and warm, Jesus constantly gives evidence that He is so much more than the average man, teacher, or rabbi.   Matthew 14: 25-31 provides this witness: “During the fourth watch of the night, he came toward them, walking on the sea. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the sea they were terrified. “It is a ghost,” they said, and they cried out in fear. 27 At once [Jesus] spoke to them, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” 28 Peter said to him in reply, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” 29 He said, “Come.” Peter got out of the boat and began to walk on the water toward Jesus. 30 But when he saw how [strong] the wind was he became frightened; and, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” 31 Immediately Jesus stretched out his hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

Showing himself at once brash and over confident, and wishing to show Christ his faith and trust, Peter is caught in this account between his relationship with a Rabbi whom he likes,  admires, and respects, and a developing relationship with the Lord of all creation, a Savior and Deliverer, with the Son of Man who he would come to believe is the Son of the Living God.

Not only Peter, but others are hearing and seeing more from Jesus and of Jesus.  Many are wondering, “What manner of man is this?”  Jesus checks his apostles’ understanding at this time in Matthew 16: 13-19: “When Jesus went into the region of Caesarea Philippi he asked his disciples, “Who do people say that the Son of Man is?” 14 They replied, “Some say John the Baptist, others Elijah, still others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.” 15 He said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” 16 Simon Peter said in reply, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”

17 Jesus said to him in reply, “Blessed are you, Simon son of Jonah. For flesh and blood has not revealed this to you, but my heavenly Father. 18 And so I say to you, you are Peter, and upon this rock I will build my church, and the gates of the netherworld shall not prevail against it. 19 I will give you the keys to the kingdom of heaven. Whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven; and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.”

Peter has crossed a threshold here, from human faith in a man in whom he has come to believe and love, to the Anointed one, the Messiah, the Chosen one of God, the Father’s only begotten Son—Son of the Living God. To back down now, to retract this level of faith would be apostasy.  There is no going back.  At the same time, Jesus begins more and more to give privileged access of Himself to Peter, as well as to James and John.

For example, in Luke 8: 51 when Jesus enters a home to raise from the dead a little girl, He permits only Peter, James and John to enter the house.

Though Peter, James, and John clearly realize by now that Jesus is divine, that all things are possible to Him, they still do not realize that in His role as Messiah, He will be also the suffering servant of Isaiah 53:

“3 He was spurned and avoided by men,/  a man of suffering, knowing pain, /Like one from whom you turn your face,/spurned, and we held him in no esteem./4 Yet it was our pain that he bore,/ our sufferings he endured. We thought of him as stricken,/ struck down by God and afflicted, / 5 But he was pierced for our sins,/ crushed for our iniquity./ He bore the punishment that makes us whole,/  by his wounds we were healed. /  6 We had all gone astray like sheep,/ all following our own way;/ But the LORD laid upon him/ the guilt of us all. / 7 Though harshly treated, he submitted/ and did not open his mouth;/ Like a lamb led to slaughter/ or a sheep silent before shearers,/ he did not open his mouth. / 8 Seized and condemned, he was taken away./ Who would have thought any more of his destiny?/ For he was cut off from the land of the living,/ struck for the sins of his people./ 9 He was given a grave among the wicked,/ a burial place with evildoers,/ Though he had done no wrong,/ nor was deceit found in his mouth. / 10 But it was the LORD’s will to crush him with pain./ By making his life as a reparation offering,/ he shall see his offspring, shall lengthen his days,/ and the LORD’s will shall be accomplished through him.”

Consequently, Jesus begins to prepare the twelve for the truth of His mission.  In Matthew 16: 21-23, we read:  “From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer greatly from the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed and on the third day be raised. 22 Then Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, “God forbid, Lord! No such thing shall ever happen to you.” 23 He turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do.”

Peter is hearing Christ, but not listening. He doesn’t want to hear this, so, as he has done before, he puts his foot in his big mouth.  Like the others who are arguing on the way to Jerusalem about which of them will be greatest in the Kingdom of God [Luke 9:46], like the mother of James and John who asks that her two sons sit on either side of Jesus when He enters into His kingdom [Mark 10:35-45], they all think that Jesus’ role will be one of victory, honor, and glory—perhaps supplanting the power of the Romans who rule them, and whom they despise.  None of the twelve are thinking the way God thinks, but as men think.  The Passion of the Christ is inconceivable to Peter; ever extreme, he declares, “Never can this happen to You!”

Because Jesus knows their hard hearts, because He recognizes the scandal that His passion will present to these men, He gives his inner circle, Peter, James, and John, the experience of the Transfiguration. The vision of His glory, the voice of His Father once again witnessing to His true identity, are meant to increase their faith, to strengthen and sustain them in the awful test of their faith in the coming trial that will test their souls.

Matthew 17: 1-6 –”After six days Jesus took Peter, James, and John his brother, and led them up a high mountain by themselves. 2 And he was transfigured before them; his face shone like the sun and his clothes became white as light. 3 And behold, Moses and Elijah appeared to them, conversing with him. [About His coming passion and the events of the three days before His resurrection.]4 Then Peter said to Jesus in reply, “Lord, it is good that we are here. If you wish, I will make three tents here, one for you, one for Moses, and one for Elijah.” 5 While he was still speaking, behold, a bright cloud cast a shadow over them, then from the cloud came a voice that said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.” 6 When the disciples heard this, they fell prostrate and were very much afraid.”

Rather than understanding Jesus’ intent in revealing His glory, Peter, spokesman for the three apostles, once again misinterprets, misunderstands, what this is all about.  So dazzled is he by the transcendent light and the unexpected vision of Moses and Elijah, that he simply wants to stay there. He misses the boat once again.

Once down from the mountain, Peter sees the rich young man turn away from Christ because of his material possessions.  We read in Matthew 19:23-28 “Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. 24 Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” 25 When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” 26 Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.” 27 Then Peter said to him in reply, “We have given up everything and followed you. What will there be for us?” 28 Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you that you who have followed me, in the new age, when the Son of Man is seated on his throne of glory, will yourselves sit on twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel.”

Once again, Peter shows his desire to be rewarded for his having left all to follow Jesus, asking: “What are we going to get out of this?”  But be assured that he would again misunderstand Jesus’ response about “you who have followed me, in the new age….” They expect this glorious age NOW.

Jesus continues to prepare his apostles for His imminent passion, for the test of their faith. In Matthew 26: 31-35, we read, “Then Jesus said to them, “This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be dispersed’;32 but after I have been raised up, I shall go before you to Galilee.” 33 Peter said to him in reply, “Though all may have their faith in you shaken, mine will never be.” 34 Jesus said to him, “Amen, I say to you, this very night before the cock crows, you will deny me three times.” 35 Peter said to him, “Even though I should have to die with you, I will not deny you.” And all the disciples spoke likewise.”

Peter casts off Jesus’ warning.  Ever the brash and over-confident leader, he believes that he is incapable of betrayal even though everyone else betrays Christ, even should he face death.

Jesus’ teachings intensify.  When he promises His very flesh for food, and His own blood for drink, many of His followers abruptly leave Him. In John 6: 66-69 we read, “… many [of] his disciples returned to their former way of life and no longer accompanied him. 67 Jesus then said to the Twelve, “Do you also want to leave?” 68 Simon Peter answered him, “Master, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. 69 We have come to believe and are convinced that you are the Holy One of God.”

Peter’s love and faith are strong, but he truly lacks self-knowledge.  He does not know of what he is capable.  He never doubts his sincere love and loyalty; he has no concept of his own weakness  and self-serving interests.  As Jesus would tell him later, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak [Mt. 26:41].

Our beloved Peter is truly a man of extremes.  Have you noticed that? He says, “Even though everybody else denies you, I never will!  Even though I have to die, I will never deny you.” As the beloved three, Peter, James, and John are seated close to Jesus at the Last Supper, he proceeds yet again to proclaim himself the extreme devotee of Christ in John 13:5-9 . “Then he [Jesus]poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet and dry them with the towel around his waist. 6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Master, are you going to wash my feet?” 7 Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing, you do not understand now, but you will understand later.” 8 Peter said to him, “You will never wash my feet.” Jesus answered him, “Unless I wash you, you will have no inheritance with me.” 9 Simon Peter said to him, “Master, then not only my feet, but my hands and head as well.”

It is only when Jesus tells him, “Unless I wash your feet, you will have no part of Me.”  Then—still the extremist, he declares, “Then wash ALL of me!”

Seeking the comfort of His inner circle, in Matthew 26: 36-40 Jesus takes Peter, James and John with Him into the Garden of Gethsemane to watch and pray, and ultimately to witness His agony; but when He leaves them a short distance away, all three of them go to sleep. Never has He asked a favor of His beloved friends, but to watch an hour with Him—and they fail Him. Peter, along with the rest, fails him.

            We find our brash leader acting out once again in John 18:10-11 as Peter cuts off the ear of the servant of the high priest.  Thinking as man thinks, not as God thinks, completely oblivious to Isaiah 53, Peter’s idea of loyalty is to strike with the sword, so Jesus tells him, “Put your sword into its scabbard. Shall I not drink the cup that the Father gave me?”

Despite his view of himself as the loyal follower of Jesus, not only does he deny Him, but he does so vehemently, with oaths and cursing.  He is too afraid to come close to where Jesus is being held and interrogated, so he follows at a safe distance.  We read in Matthew 26:69-75 of Peter’s last denial:  “As he went out to the gate, another girl saw him and said to those who were there, “This man was with Jesus the Nazorean.” 72 Again he [Peter] denied it with an oath, “I do not know the man!” 73 A little later the bystanders came over and said to Peter, “Surely you too are one of them; even your speech gives you away.” 74 At that he began to curse and to swear, “I do not know the man.” And immediately a cock crowed. 75 Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken: “Before the cock crows you will deny me three times.” He went out and began to weep bitterly.”

As extreme as were his mistaken loyalties and denials, so too his extreme grief and sorrow over what he has done—acts of betrayal of which he could never admit he might be capable. Luke 22:61 tells us that when the cock crows, “the Lord turned and looked at Peter; and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.” Peter remembers all that the Lord told him, how He warned him, and grief and penitence clutch his heart as his tears sweep over him in a storm of sorrow. Even his sorrow is extreme, larger than life, but utterly sincere. Peter’s great fall was inevitable because he lacked self-knowledge.  The grace of this immense storm in Peter’s life was to lead him to self-knowledge, a knowledge he would probably never have reached had he not denied his Lord.

Just as Peter denies Christ three times, Jesus gives Peter three opportunities to affirm his love. After Jesus’ resurrection, the twelve go out fishing at night.  Coming in weary and hungry early in the morning, John recognizes Jesus on the beach, “It is the Lord.”  True to form, brash and eager, Peter leaps from the boat and swims to shore where Jesus has cooked fish for them.

In John 21:15-17, we read:   “When they had finished breakfast, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon, son of John, do you love me more than these?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Feed my lambs.” 16 He then said to him a second time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” He said to him, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.” He said to him, “Tend my sheep.” 17 He said to him the third time, “Simon, son of John, do you love me?” Peter was distressed that he had said to him a third time, Do you love me?” and he said to him, “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.” [Jesus] said to him, “Feed my sheep.”

Peter is distressed that Jesus has to ask him three times if he loves Him, so on the third time, he adds: “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love you.”

            Everything is all that has come before:  all the ups and downs, the misinterpretations, the misunderstandings, the rebuke, the failures of trust, the fears, the denials, the brashness, the eagerness and over-confidence.  If the Lord knows all of this, He also knows the sincere intensity of Peter’s love which remains after all of the failings.

We can all identify with our beloved Peter, our Rock, and how Christ uses flawed, often blind and mistaken, broken men in His Church, to be his inner circle, to be His beloved friends and victim souls.  Let us often pray with St. Peter: “Lord, you know everything; you know that I love You.”

In The Simple Path to Union, we often meditate on self-knowledge: “We lack self-knowledge because we are afraid to see the truth, what requires a change in us. Instead of facing our wounds, fears and wrong-doing, we try to make deals with God, offering Him good works to appease our consciences. At the same time, we use many masks to hide our sins. We should not be satisfied having some superficial self-knowledge; we should seek to live wrapped in the gift of self-knowledge by humbly acknowledging our sins, our nothingness and our inability to do anything without the grace of God. St. Peter tells us: “Wrap yourselves in humility” (1 Pet 5:5). Jesus will then give us self-knowledge in surprising ways through people, situations, and Scripture [Simple Path, pp. 37-38] .

How appropriate that it is our beloved father, St. Peter himself, who admonishes us: “Wrap yourselves in humility.” God sometimes permits a mighty fall if only to give us the grace of humility, for it is only in humility, in being broken, that we can come to self-knowledge.



“The Grace of the Storm,” Lourdes Pinto, Feast of the Exaltation of the Cross

Several weeks ago, our spiritual mother, Lourdes, of Love Crucified Community, gave us a teaching, “Faith:  Do I Believe?” which we revisited this week in light of the storm raging in the Church at this time.  As I prayed over the reflection this morning, it became clear to me that I must share her profound insights which give us so much clarity and consolation.

Lourdes began with Isaiah 7:2, the shaking of Israel: “…the hearts of Ahaz and his people were shaken, as the trees of the forest are shaken by the wind.” (Is 7:2) God permits this storm to enter into the lives of His nation, Israel, SO THAT their faith can be strengthened. By the way they acted, the condition of their hearts is revealed, so God tells Isaiah to tell His people to “Take heed, be quiet, do not fear, and do not let your heart be faint.” (Is 7:4)

The storm means profound suffering for Israel, and Lourdes explains that all suffering can be of two types, either a storm or a thorn.  A storm is intense, but rages a relatively short time, while the thorn is a chronic suffering, as was St. Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” provoked by Satan which Paul begs three times for the Lord to remove.  Instead the Lord tells him, “My strength is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” [ 2 Cor. 12:9]

Why the suffering at all?  It is in suffering that the condition of our hearts is revealed.  How we act in the storm, in suffering, reveals the condition of our souls, of our hearts.  Do we become confused, anxious, fearful, angry, resentful, distrusting? The storm is a BLESSING because it gives us a specific grace, “the grace of the storm” revealing any darkness in the heart, any weakness, any flaw in faith, hope, and love.

Our lives are filled with storms, the storm in the Church, an argument with a spouse, a family crisis, a bout of unemployment or severe illness, etc.

Lourdes explains:  “During the storm our hearts can feel wounded, as if pierced, and at that moment, when we are feeling wounded, hurt, vulnerable, scared, confused, angry, frustrated, discouraged or resentful, when we’ve been “shaken” like the Israelites, is available to us the blessing of the grace of that particular storm—the grace of the KNOWLEDGE of the condition of our hearts.”

In Matthew 8:18-34, as Jesus is sleeping in the boat, and when the storm arises, the apostles are terrified of sinking.  Their lack of faith is clearly revealed to them, as Jesus tells them: “You of little faith; why are you so afraid?” In the storm which we experience, it seems to us that Jesus is sleeping—does He even care that we are perishing?  But through the storm, He helps us to recognize that we, too, are of little faith.

Whatever the storm, God is not asleep, but permits it for our own good.  Jesus tells us: “Trust, for there isn’t a suffering I permit that will not bring you into the union of love I desire.” [The Simple Path to Union, #93, p. 266]

The wisdom of the saints gives us good direction here:

     “St. Ignatius also teaches that while we are under a storm we are being purified by fire and the Lord does not speak. [He seems to be sleeping.] Instead He gives us the grace to remain faithful to what He had told us previously. Therefore, during the storm do not make changes in your life. Hold firm until calm returns.” [The Simple Path to Union, p. 68]

St. Ignatius is telling us to be patient, to stand firm under fire, to do nothing hasty, not to go off half-cocked! We cannot outrun the storm or leave the boat, but must endure the fearful rocking with our eyes and hearts on our Lord and God till He quells the winds and waves, even while we are smarting from our lack of faith, our lack of trust.  We must be resolved to

To see thee more clearly,
Love thee more dearly,
Follow thee more nearly,
—as the old song goes.

The storm leads us to deeper self-knowledge and repentance.  As we live through this crisis in our beloved Church, let us not meditate on how this or that prelate must repent, do penance, or be thrown from the barque of Peter, but look to our own hearts, to our own lack of faith and trust in God’s will.

In conclusion, let me repeat the beautiful words of The Simple Path to Union through which Jesus tells us:  Believe in the power of My Cross and the power of My Precious Blood, for it is only through the Triumph of My Cross that all darkness will be conquered. Live, love and suffer as ONE with Me; and you will become the sword that will pierce this darkness.”  [#25, p.78]

“The Passion of the Church”

As we reflect on what is happening in our beloved Church today, I cannot help but think of this section  from the Catholic Catechism:  The Church’s ultimate trial

675 Before Christ’s second coming the Church must pass through a final trial that will shake the faith of many believers. The persecution that accompanies her pilgrimage on earth will unveil the “mystery of iniquity” in the form of a religious deception offering men an apparent solution to their problems at the price of apostasy from the truth. The supreme religious deception is that of the Antichrist, a pseudo-messianism by which man glorifies himself in place of God and of his Messiah come in the flesh.”

Of course, the Catechism is referring to the great Apostasy and the pseudo-messianism of the false prophet and Antichrist, a secular “great hope” which will promise to solve the global problems of mankind only if he will forsake his faith in Christ for faith in the Antichrist.  Yet it seems to me that our current crisis is itself a kind of final trial that will shake the faith of many believers. If not the final trial, it is the beginning of the end. Legitimate Catholic prophecy helps us to interpret and understand our own times so that we may live the faith.  We will look at a couple of these prophecies.

We can recognize our current crisis in an excerpt from the words of Our Lady which came to us in 1973 from Akita, Japan:

The work of the devil will infiltrate even into the Church in such a way that one will see cardinals opposing cardinals, bishops against bishops. The priests who venerate me will be scorned and opposed by their confreres…churches and altars sacked; the Church will be full of those who accept compromises, and the demon will press many priests and consecrated souls to leave the service of the Lord.

“The demon will be especially implacable against souls consecrated to God. The thought of the loss of so many souls is the cause of my sadness…” [A Simple Path to Union, p. 396-397]

In his book, Faith and the Future, in 1969, long before he became our supreme pontiff, Pope Benedict spoke words to us which today seem quite prophetic:

The church will become small and will have to start afresh more or less from the beginning. She will no longer be able to inhabit many of the edifices she built in prosperity. As the number of her adherents diminishes, she will lose many of her social privileges. … As a small society, [the Church] will make much bigger demands on the initiative of her individual members. …

“It will be hard-going for the Church, for the process of crystallization and clarification will cost her much valuable energy. It will make her poor and cause her to become the Church of the meek. … The process will be long and wearisome as was the road from the false progressivism on the eve of the French Revolution—when a bishop might be thought smart if he made fun of dogmas and even insinuated that the existence of God was by no means certain… But when the trial of this sifting is past, a great power will flow from a more spiritualized and simplified Church. Men in a totally planned world will find themselves unspeakably lonely. If they have completely lost sight of God, they will feel the whole horror of their poverty. Then they will discover the little flock of believers as something wholly new. They will discover it as a hope that is meant for them, an answer for which they have always been searching in secret.

“Consequently, it seems certain to me that the Church is facing very hard times. The real crisis has scarcely begun. We will have to count on terrific upheavals. But I am equally certain about what will remain at the end: not the Church of the political cult, which is dead already, but the Church of faith. She may well no longer be the dominant social power to the extent that she was until recently; but she will enjoy a fresh blossoming and be seen as man’s home, where he will find life and hope beyond death.” [A Simple Path to Union, pp. 383-384]

During Adoration this morning, my heart was drawn to Jesus and His apostles, and to this thought:  Jesus chose Judas. He knew that Judas would eventually betray Him, yet he called him, chose him and lived intimately with him during the three years of His public ministry.  Judas sat at table during the last supper, quite close to Christ.  Here is the scripture:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who receives whomever I send receives Me; and he who receives Me receives Him who sent Me.”

When Jesus had said this, He became troubled in spirit, and testified and said, “Truly, truly, I say to you, that one of you will betray Me.”  The disciples began looking at one another, at a loss to know of which one He was speaking.  There was reclining on Jesus’ bosom one of His disciples, whom Jesus loved.  So Simon Peter gestured to him, and said to him, “Tell us who it is of whom He is speaking.”  He, leaning back thus on Jesus’ bosom, said to Him, “Lord, who is it?”

Jesus then answered, “That is the one for whom I shall dip the morsel and give it to him.”  So when He had dipped the morsel, He took and gave it to Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot.

After the morsel, Satan then entered into him.  Therefore, Jesus said to him, “What you do, do quickly.” [https://www.gty.org/library/articles/P26/unmasking-the-betrayer]

Obviously, the apostles had no idea that one of them would betray their Lord, so Jesus revealed it to them.  Yet they did nothing. And the act which revealed the betrayer?  Jesus dipped bread and handed it to Judas, a gesture, which in Jewish culture of the time, was a mark of special favor. Later he would betray Jesus with a kiss, so ironic—a mark not only of special favor, but of love and devotion. Ten of the apostles would flee the entire Passion, the first pope would deny him three times, and only John remain on Calvary with Our Blessed Mother. Nevertheless, of the 12 apostles [including Matthias who replaced Judas], eleven of them would  die for Christ, all faithful to the end, all martyrs, with the exception of St. John.

I’m trying to see how all of this affects our understanding of the betrayal in the Church today.  As Jesus called Judas, even knowing he would betray Him, so He called these priests, bishops, and cardinals who, known mostly to one another, have engaged in corruption and sin for decades, even covering for one another.  Jesus knew what they would do and be, yet he called them.  Just as Judas had a choice and was spared no teaching or love or support from His Lord, so these mutinous priests.  Just as Judas betrayed Him with a kiss, these priests celebrate their sacrilegious masses, embracing His body and blood with lips that lie and betray. Just as the other 11 apostles had no idea of the perfidy* that was going on around them, so our faithful priests today.  Though they may have had inklings of the corruption, I doubt any of them realized the full extent.  And even if they did have an idea, what in the world could any one of them have done about it? When “Satan entered into him[Judas]” no one, not even Jesus, would block Judas’ free choice, free will.  Regardless of the pain and the powerful blow to the early Church, all was in the inscrutable plan and will of God, because it was Jesus’ destiny and choice to suffer his passion.  We read this in Matthew 23-25:

23 He said in reply, “He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me is the one who will betray me. 24 The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him, but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed. It would be better for that man if he had never been born.” 25 Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply, “Surely it is not I, Rabbi?” He answered, “You have said so.”

Judas knew that Jesus was aware of his perfidy.  He knew that Jesus felt “It would be better for that man if he had never been born.”  Yet he still betrayed him.  With a kiss. For the perfidious priests who today betray Christ, if they do not repent from the heart and return to His mercy, they will face the woe of Judas, the Judgment of a just God.

It is not for us to say what Pope Francis should say or do. Only he can choose what his fidelity to the Church requires.  It is not for us to say how Satan’s infiltration of the Church can be remedied.  No more than it was the apostles’ choice of what should or could be done about Judas.  Because of Judas’ actions, the destiny of Christ fell into the hands of the Jewish rulers and the Romans.  Because of the perfidy of our corrupt clergy, the destiny of the Church will probably fall into the hands of the civil authorities.  What is for us to do is to pray, to fast, and to remain in Christ.

I read during Rosary last night as my community prayed the sorrowful mysteries:

“Remain in Me and I in you so that the power of God will flow as living water to My Church. Do not be afraid or discouraged for being rejected and not accepted. Do you not see that this is the way of love, the way of the Cross? It is precisely on this path of rejection and humiliations that you will purchase for the world many graces.”  [A Simple Path to Union, # 42, 3-C-2, p. 145]

Our beloved Church enters her passion.  For decades our Sorrowful Mother has wept and prayed for us, many statues and images weeping tears, weeping blood.  Jesus has wept.  Our head, Jesus suffered His passion, and so must His body.  He tells us:

“My passion was consummated on Calvary, but those who form My Church must continue the passion in themselves, offering themselves in reparation for themselves and for others to the Trinity in union with Me, victims with the Victim, and having the same qualities of victims.”  [Conchita:  A Mother’s Spiritual Diary, p. 142]



  1. deceitfulness; untrustworthiness, treachery, duplicity, deceit, deceitfulness, disloyalty, infidelity, faithlessness, unfaithfulness, betrayal, treason, double-dealing, untrustworthiness, breach of trust


“Enter into My sea of pain,” from a personal prophecy

For the last few weeks I have been contemplating deeply the primary motto of my community:  “Suffer all with Me, no longer two but one in my sacrifice of love.”  For this reason in my last post I reflected on these advisements: “Embrace your sorrows,” St. Bernard’s “whatever must be borne,” Lourdes’ words to us:  this union of sorrow, must move your heart to love all,” as we suffer a “perfect storm of pain,” and our community’s reverence for the “interior martyrdom of the heart” which Christ suffered throughout His life, taking His pain and sorrow well beyond that of Calvary. This interior martyrdom of the heart we enter each time we suffer with Christ His profound sorrow, especially over the brokenness of our brothers and sisters, the brokenness of His Church.

This morning I meditated on “exile of heart,” which I first came upon in Thomas a Kempis in Feb. 2015 and wrote about in former posts, “The Loneliness of Love,” and “For love of God, willingly bear exile of heart,”—this exile of heart central to the interior martyrdom of Christ:  “Christ also knew from the beginning of His human existence, exile of heart, the unbearable ache, the torturing thirst, the loneliness of being alone in the fullness of His love and longing for the Father and for us, His bride.”

For wasn’t this the greatest sorrow of His heart, in his manhood to be in exile from the Father, struggling to reconcile such a broken humanity with God surrounded by a people who neither truly understood nor cared?  His Mother, yes, but even she could not enter the fathomless abyss of pain in that great Heart: “How intense the loneliness in the heart of Jesus in His constant stretch to bridge the chasm between Himself as man—between us and the Father.” Not only then, 2000 years ago, but even today—especially today.

50 years ago when I was a young professed sister, I had a dream, a vision, which to this day is vividly real in my mind.  Here is the excerpt from my autobiography, Warrior for Justice: The George Eames Story:

“When I was 22 years old, I had an intense dream—one that felt more like a vision. This was two years before I left the convent, while I was still at the Motherhouse completing my music degree.

The image is still sharp in my mind. I found myself ascending into heaven, bright with light and clarity. Then, looking down, I saw roiling, dark waters, confusion, melee—and I felt myself slowly stop in mid-air, then begin descending. Frightened, I knew that I would be entering those dark waters feet first, fully able to see, experience, and know where I was. I knew also that it would mean total immersion into the whole mess of humanity, the morass of confusion, dark and ignorant minds, sinfulness, brokenness.

I thought, ‘This is going to be my life.’ I didn’t know how because at that time I had no intention of leaving the convent. But I reassured myself, no matter what happens, I know Christ is the answer. I will cling to Him and everything will be all right.” [Ch. 22, p. 221]

I thought I knew then, at least partially, what it meant.  I didn’t like what I saw.  I had no idea that I would leave the convent.  Yet it was clear: my religious life, my spiritual life, would not be the gradual ascent into the light that I, a young, inexperienced, and naïve woman, expected.  Who would not be frightened at the dark prospect that lay ahead—according to the vision?  But my one ray of hope lay in Christ, nevertheless: “In Him lies my hope.”

Then at Easter in 1982, about 15 years after I had left the convent, a word of prophecy came to me at a charismatic prayer service:

“Come into my Heart.  Enter into my sea of pain.  Pray, for now is the time for the shaking of the foundations of the world.”

I did not entirely understand this prophecy either.  Not the way I now grasp it.  Even then in our charismatic communities, we reflected and agreed that it seemed we were in the “End times.”  Consequently, the prophecy seemed to confirm that truth. But I did not associate this “sea of pain” with the dark, troubled waters of my earlier vision, those waters filled with the broken—people, trees, houses, creatures, rotten, filthy waters—truly a hellish vision. And I did not fathom fully Christ’s request to “enter into My sea of pain”—to enter the suffering and sorrow of His Heart, to suffer with Him.

Today, I know that those dark and troubled waters are the sea of pain in the sorrowing Heart of Christ—and it is this sea which He calls for me to enter.  He tells me to “embrace my sorrows,” because the sorrows and pains of His heart are one with my sorrows. If we are in a “perfect storm of pain,” floundering in that sea of pain, it is where we are destined to be, to suffer all with Him.  Because these are our times, this is our vocation, our call, the deep desire of His Heart, because Christ Himself bears that sea of pain in every horrendous detail in His suffering Heart.

Suffering is never an accident, is never incidental, but purposeful, whatever the cause.  At the same time, to suffer with Him is redemptive.  I have come to understand the times in which we live.  I did not perceive for a long time that the suffering He meant for me to bear is not just my personal suffering, difficulties, the brokenness of my family and dear ones, but the entire sea of pain:  the pollution of toxins, pesticides, and radiation afflicting our earth, greed of corporations, disenfranchisement of people considered second-class citizens, the homeless, the emigrants, the destruction of countries, on and on in a perfect litany.  Yet whenever I hear or see of disorders, brokenness of any sort, a heaviness of heart afflicts me, sorrow engulfs me, and this too He means for me to bear in our exile of heart. It is not enough to “embrace my sorrows.”  It is not enough for me to bear the brokenness of my brothers and sisters in our union of sorrow.  He wants me to be His companion of love, suffering exile of heart, suffering all with Him, suffering His perfect sea of pain as life collapses around us. And remaining in such pain will not be fruitless, for He has already overcome the world.  He has already overthrown death. In Him lies our hope.

“In You lies all my hope,” Ps. 39:8

Today on St. Bernard’s feast day, I reflected on a long quotation by him: “…you, O Lord, are my hope. Whatever must be done, whatever must be refused, whatever must be borne, whatever must be chosen, you, Lord, are my hope. Because of you I have incurred the loss of everything and counted it as dung, for you, O Lord, are my hope….”[Magnificat magazine, p. 300, August 2018]

I was reminded of a post from May 2015:  “And now, Lord, what is there to wait for?  For in You lies all my hope.”  [Ps. 39:8]

You must know the backstory of these reflections—not that of St. Bernard, but my own backstory.  I have been reflecting on the chapter on prophecy in THE SIMPLE PATH TO UNION, observing, as everyone surely is by now, world events pressing upon us:  fire & flood, political & economic upheaval in many countries, hunger, desperate emigrations, earthquakes, the global pollution of our food, soil, air, &  water, escalating abortions & crime, disease, toxicity, global warming & destructive weather events, failing healthcare, the groaning of all creation and of souls, world-wide dissipation of faith, corruption in the heart of the Church herself manifest in our cardinals, bishops, priests, seminarians.  We all have the sense of apocalypse falling upon us and of waiting for the next blow.

Where can we turn?  Nowhere and nothing can save us, except for Christ.  Has the time of mercy passed?  Are we now facing God’s justice?

In Christ alone is the radiance and tenderness of the Father.  Count all else dung. In Him lies all our hope—or there is no hope.

St. Bernard says: “…whatever must be borne,” and our worst fears tell us that death is probably the least of our fears.  What we most fear is suffering, our own, that of loved ones. How can we bear to see the world literally falling to pieces around us—not merely falling to pieces—torn to pieces? To see ourselves and our children being pulled apart by the tremendous forces that are now in play all around us…. Not only the earth, but souls all around us, especially those closest to us, are broken.  Broken people inflict pain on others, on us, on those around us. We are living in a perfect storm of pain.

Do not think that by some miracle we will be spared this suffering.   Was Edith Stein, St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, spared the Nazi’s gas chamber?  For her the gas chamber, the seventh chamber, was not only the gas chamber as she entered, carrying her family and suffering people with her in her heart, but it was also the bridal chamber.  To be a Catholic, a Christian, is to be crucified with Christ, nailed to His Cross, to enter His pain, to enter His pierced Heart, to suffer all with Him, to suffer these souls with Him. He knows our every pain, our every agony; and when we remain in this pain and go through it into His pain, into His pierced Heart, we are one with Him.  Our suffering, whatever it may be, is redemptive and powerful to overcome the darkness which is spreading so viciously over the earth.

Our spiritual mother, Lourdes, recently spoke to us about this in “FAITH, Do I Believe?”

“When we enter the pure pain of our deepest sorrows and embrace that pure pain, we are embracing the crucified Body of Christ because He is fully present in that pain. …this union of sorrow, must move your heart to love all, by suffering with silence, peace, and abandonment for all your brothers and sisters.”

“The Lord tells us, ‘I need you.’ Why does the Lord need us? Because in our hearts we carry the wound and the sin of these broken souls. Therefore, we have the power to bring, through the pain, their wound that is in us to Christ, and unite in the EMBRACE of suffering with Christ supplicating, ‘Father, save, deliver and heal them!’”

This is the life of a victim of love.  If we abandon ourselves to Him, we need to abandon every other hope, every other expectation and count all else as dung.  Then we will be found in Him, in Love Crucified.  All our hope lies in Him, and without Him, we have no hope.

Let me conclude with one more quotation by Lourdes:

“’Great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you desire.’ (Mathew 15:28)  We must BELIEVE with perfect faith that our hidden lives of living in the silence of God’s embrace, suffering with Christ the brokenness of souls in our lives, WILL bring to new life the dead souls….”

As we have always known, redemption now and always lies in faith, hope, and love.


[See Mark Mallett’s new post:  WORMWOOD & LOYALTY

Also Pope Francis’ letter RE the scandals in  the church

See also this article on SPIRIT DAILY:  “The Coming Persecution”]


“Suffering is a Betrothal and a Mass” — Ven. Archbishop Luis Martinez

Under the Gaze of the Father by Ven. Archbishop Luis Martinez is so rich and enlightening, especially for souls who long to live Christ as living hosts.  The retreat which he gave to Ven. Conchita [Conception Cabrera de Armida] in Mexico in 1935, detailed in this book, reveals in many layers, with penetrating insight, the nature of the “mystical incarnation,” a grace which Conchita received in 1906.

Jesus Himself revealed to Conchita that her beloved Archbishop Luis Martinez was his “son of light” (p. xv). I recently learned that Conchita will be beatified in Mexico City in May 2019.  I can only hope that Jesus’ “son of light”—our beloved Archbishop Martinez, soon follows her in beatification!

I have often reflected on our venerable archbishop’s many teachings on suffering as he guided Conchita.  Having read Under the Gaze of the Father several times, I continue to uncover new gems of insights—a way the Archbishop has of expressing a familiar thought, a rewording, or unusual combination of words or terms which illuminate this grace in new ways, shining lights on it in its many facets.  Bear with me as I am so often overcome, slain, devastated, ravished by the lights of this most dear “son of light.”

On the seventeenth day of the retreat, Archbishop Martinez speaks on “Suffering—the Mode.”  There are but two modes:  the human mode, “the highest degree to which one’s heart can attain is to suffer with dignity and fortitude, the way the pagan heroes did,” and the divine mode: “Jesus espoused [suffering] indissolubly on the summit of Golgotha.  He conveyed to suffering His beauty and sweetness and made it something sacred, transforming it into sacrifice… distinguished by divine joy and sacred anointing. So should it be, because suffering was transformed by Jesus into something heavenly that fills us with joy, and into something sacred that produces anointing.”  At the same time, Archbishop Martinez makes it clear that the divine mode of suffering is for “transformed souls,” the “suffering of the souls of the Cross” (p. 113). To embrace suffering is to embrace the Cross—or our suffering is no more fruitful or anointed than that of the stoic pagans.

He teaches us:  “…in the school of Jesus one suffers gently, with peace, gratitude and joy…the soul that received the mystical incarnation should suffer with ardent longing, holy impatience, and ineffable joy….”  [p. 113]

Earlier in the book, I was especially struck by his statement:  “Tell me how you suffer, and I will tell you who you are.”  [p. 104] Now this is fodder for reflection for days!  How can one not be convicted by this simple statement?  It teaches us how to separate the saints from the wimps. How clear the category into which we so often fall!

At the end of his talk, Archbishop Martinez exclaims,  “You should suffer like this: smiling with joy, peace and the anointing of an intimate and solemn liturgy.  Suffering is the betrothal and a Mass for transformed souls” (p. 114).

Suffering for the transformed soul is always intimate because it is to suffer with Jesus—not just offering up or suffering for Him.  In an earlier post I declared:  “The Cross is the bridal chamber where Union takes place in the intimacy of suffering.”  This statement echoes faithfully the teaching of Jesus’ beloved “son of light.” To suffer with is to enter a most sacred betrothal, to enter the bridal chamber of the Cross—to enter the intimacy of Union.  At the same time, it is for the transformed soul to celebrate the “mystic Mass of the bride,” the “intimate liturgy” of which he speaks.

 In his book, The Sanctifier, Archbishop Martinez teaches us:  “…it [the soul] rests in perfect happiness [on the cross] and offers in its intimate sanctuary the mystic Mass of its loving sacrifice to ‘fill up what is lacking of the sufferings of Christ’” (p. 124).

Do not be distressed if you feel nothing.  Love is in the will.  Do not be distressed if you consider your sufferings as little nothings, having scarce import or weight.  You suffer no more and no less than God wills.  Your suffering is “just right” and whatever it is, to suffer it with Jesus is to live the Mass.  Isn’t the Mass the sacrifice of the Cross?  Isn’t your little, hidden, ordinary life the sacrifice of the Cross?  Enter into your intimate liturgy with your entire will and with purity of intention, and all will be well.

+ + +

“The Cross & the Mystic Mass of the Bride” :   https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2015/10/22/the-cross-the-mystic-mass-of-the-bride/

“The Kiss of Jesus”:  https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2016/11/18/the-kiss-of-jesus-mother-st-teresa-of-calcutta/


The Sacred Heart of Jesus

Anticipating the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I revisited this morning in adoration a talk/reflection which I wrote in 2014—I was amazed at the scope of this post.  It covers the history of the devotion with St. Margaret Mary Alacoque [1600’s];  St. John Chrysostom (born. c. 347); St. Bonaventure, 1221-1274;  St. Gertrude the Great, b. 1256; the founding of the feast with Pope Innocent VI [1353]; a Eucharistic miracle which our present Pope Francis had as Cardinal in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Much of the talk then reflects on sections of Ven. Archbishop Luis Martinez’ book ONLY JESUS—bringing us deep into the interior martyrdom of the Sacred Heart.  You will find substantial material for adoration and private meditation.  Please find it here:  THE SACRED HEART OF JESUS.

“To be a Living Host”

Here it is, 5:00 in the morning and the Holy Spirit will not let me sleep. I have been rereading once more UNDER THE GAZE OF THE FATHER—Conchita’s [Ven. Conception Cabrera de Armida’s] retreat on “mystical incarnation.”  In our Love Crucified community, we refer to this grace as “living host.”  Every time I read of it in Archbishop Martinez’ reflections, I wonder, “Can this be for me?  Does Christ call me to this—or am I only daring to dream that this is the grace of my life?”

In Conchita’s reflection on the Third Day, she recounts how this grace gradually became the totality of her spirituality, beginning with “The Father is gazing upon you”:

He [Jesus] tells me that in that gaze of the divine Father, the germ of the mystical incarnation was communicated to me.”

 Later, in Mexico City she heard:  “The Divine Word is pursuing you.”  How can these graces apply to me?  Conchita could hardly believe that they applied to her!

Later she explains:  “Jesus explained to me that the goal of the Chain of Love should be the offering, this ongoing offering of the Divine Word to the Father in union with the Word, entirely lost in Him.” Then I thought to myself, “But that is what I do every day—it is what I live for!” In Conchita’s Diary we read also:  [Jesus to Conchita]  “The Word became flesh and becomes flesh again in souls only to be crucified. It is the purpose of all mystical incarnationsYour Word has just become flesh mystically in your heart… in order to be constantly sacrificed there not on an altar of stone, but in a living temple of the Holy Spirit, by a priest and victim who, by an inconceivable grace, received the power to participate in the love of the Father.”  [Diary, p. 120]

In Dec. 2016, in Mexico City, as I prayed at the tomb of Conchita, meditating for several days on the mystical incarnation in her Diary, I read and reflected repeatedly:

“The mystical incarnation,’ the Lord has stated, ‘has as its object the offering of Myself in your heart, as an expiatory victim, checking at each moment divine justice and obtaining heavenly graces'” (Diary, Feb. 2, 1911) [p.160].

“’The principal object of this grace is a transformation which unites what you will to what I will, your will to Mine, your immolation to Mine. Wholly pure and sacrificed in your body and in your soul, you must offer yourself and offer Me to the heavenly Father at each instant, at each breath…[for the Church, for souls](Diary 160).

This is My Body, this My Blood. I say this again to the eternal Father, at each instant, on the altars. Make yourself worthy, as much as possible, to offer your body, your blood, your soul and all that you are, as I have told you, in union with this continual immolation on behalf of the world” (Diary 160).

“The purpose of the mystical incarnation is the fusion of My life in you, according to its development on earth. ‘Be yourself…’” (Diary 161).

I want you to be My host and have the intention, renewed as often as possible day and night, of offering yourself with Me on all the patens on earth. I want you, transformed in Me by suffering, by love and by the practice of all the virtues, to raise heavenward this cry of your soul in union with Me: ‘This is My Body, This is My Blood’”  (Diary 161).

“’Be yourself,’ I told you one day, and today I tell you again: ‘Let Me come to you, and be one with Me and transform yourself through the instrumentality of My divine life in your heart. Let Me possess you, simplify you in God, in Our indivisible unity through the Holy Spirit’” (Diary 161).

“You must transform yourself into charity, that is, into Me, who am all Love, killing the old man, making with Me but one single heart, and one single will’” (Diary 160).

Here, again, in the impassioned words of Jesus himself, is the objective:  …one only Host, one only Victim, one only Priest immolating Himself and immolating Me in your heart on behalf of the whole world. The Father pleased, will receive this offering presented through the Holy Spirit, and the graces of heaven will descend as rain on the earth” (Diary 162).

Jesus told her, “Be yourself.”  Although I know I am no Conchita, I thought this also.  I am unique on the face of the earth, so the way that I live and breathe the mystical incarnation, as His living host, will therefore be different from the way anyone else lives it.  Conchita’s intensity is of Conchita.  I may be a lesser soul, [for every soul is different and unique], but I have my own spiritual intensity—my intensity is of Kathy.

How can this be?  “Be yourself.”  I know that the Father is gazing on me, for I read in Eph. 1:4 that “He chose me in Christ before the foundations of the world that I should be holy and blameless before him.” In Psalm 139:13, I read that He “knit me in my mother’s womb“ and that “I am fearfully, wonderfully made,” a unique creature drawn through the Divine Word from one unique time, place, culture, family, history in all the universe, [in whatever pain, weakness, suffering, or shame inherent there], distinct and particular in the gaze of the Father, an intense pinpoint of reflected light designed uniquely to glorify the Blessed Trinity as has never before me been accomplished, or ever after will be accomplished.  All this—if only I can “Be myself.”  In this does my intensity of holiness consist; “Be yourself,” the living host in which the Father is well pleased.

Then, seeking confirmation, [I am always seeking confirmation!] I went to The Simple Path to Union, and here I read:

#49  “Your ordinary and hidden life through the Cross becomes united to My Eucharistic life. Your hidden life takes on the same power as My hidden life because we are no longer two but ONE. These are My living hosts. In this union of love, you enter and live in the realm of God.  Through Me, with Me and in Me your most ordinary life is the power of God.”

[See “The Eternal Mode of Prayer,” https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2015/10/29/the-eternal-mode-of-prayer/ ]

#51  “Trust and place all your confidence in the power of the hidden life being revealed to you now in My Eucharistic presence. I am the power of the hidden life. I want to possess you with My hidden life, which is the Eucharist, transforming you into living hosts. This transformation will take place as you live your hidden and interior life united to My interior crucifixion, suffering all with Me and in Me. In this way, the power of the hidden force will intensify with the fire of the Holy Spirit…”

#52  “The Eucharist is the power of God in the world, and God desires to make you living Hosts.”

Lourdes tells us in the chapter on Living Hosts:  When a soul, filled with the Holy Spirit, is united to Jesus so profoundly as to share His sufferings and joys, in total abandonment to the Father, she is a “living host.”

Archbishop Martinez also saw that this also was required of the living host:  that a human being—priest, religious, or lay— make the “marvelous exchange” of his independent human will for the Divine Will by allowing the Holy Spirit to unite him to Jesus in all of his acts.”

Finally, I read in # 57 of Simple Path:  “The purpose of the Path is to make all of you My living hosts.”

It is perfectly clear to me that my vocation is to be a Mother of the Cross in Love Crucified community, that I have been accepted by the community in this vocation, and that I have made my covenant and strive to live it daily—so I am a living host.  This is my unique spirituality—in every sense of the word, in every aspect.

I meditated a long time also on these words in #57 of the Simple Path:  Allow Me to possess you with My life. Ponder every relationship and situation in your lives where you are not loving with Me, through Me and in Me.”

In the section on prophecy, I read:  Our Lord wants us to be living hosts, blessed, broken and given to many” (Simple Path, p. 172).

Yet nothing is possible without the Holy Spirit.  During this Pentecost season, I have reflected so much on the Holy Spirit, struggling to be completely docile to Him, completely abandoned to Him—and not only this, but to completely sever any attachments which keep me from yielding totally to Him.  Only in docility to the movements of the Holy Spirit, in conceding total control to Him, can I live Christ as His living host, loving with, through, and for Him—being “blessed, broken and given to many.”

Archbishop Martinez explains this so well, as I cited in the Rosary of the Holy Spirit:

During these days, [these days of spiritual warfare] you should be the faithful and loving bride of the Holy Spirit. Let Him possess you without obstacles or reserve, with perfect self-abandonment and love.

Let the Holy Spirit do with you as He wills. Let Him envelop you in silence, or lull you with heavenly harmony. Let Him console or immolate you. Let Him penetrate you to the inmost recesses of your soul. Let Him fashion you as He pleases, and shake you with His powerful action, and permeate you with His victorious love.”  [Under the Gaze of the Father, p. 34]

Pray with me the beginning prayer in the Rosary of the Holy Spirit:

“…we plead with You, little Dove of Conchita, Holy Spirit of the Father and of our beloved Jesus, come make your nest in our hearts.  Groan, Little Dove, groan with the thirst that we be one. Come, overshadow all of us and create in us a New Pentecost.  Fill us with Your precious gifts and fruits, fill us with the gaze of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, the gaze of our Abba. We abandon ourselves completely to Your Divine Fire of Love.”


See also:    A Simple Path to Union  and   “Become a Living Holocaust for His Glory”







Over the last few weeks I have been tested, leaving me in some desolation of spirit, but mostly stripping me of my self-confidence.  I have been on a steep learning curve which shocked and confused me.  Then this week everything which comes before me is about humility—confirming the whole point of my hard lessons.

Powerful words came to me from my spiritual mother, Lourdes, in a teaching which she sent to our whole community.  What especially struck me were these two passages from The Dialogue of St. Catherine of Siena:

“For one does not arrive at virtue except through knowledge of self, and knowledge of Me, which knowledge is more perfectly acquired in the time of temptation, because then man knows himself to be nothing, being unable to lift off himself the pains and vexations which he would flee…”

Then this one:

“…in order to exercise them in virtue and raise them above their imperfection, I withdraw from their minds My consolation and allow them to fall into battles and perplexities.  This I do so that, coming to perfect self-knowledge, they may know that of themselves they are nothing and have no grace, and accordingly in time of battle fly to Me, as their Benefactor, seeking me alone, with true humility…”

These passages tell me that God permits, even takes care to design, pains, vexations, battles, and perplexities specifically to teach me humility, my powerlessness, my utter inability to help myself, that I may fly to Him.  Yes, this is exactly where I have been in the last few weeks.

How kind the Holy Spirit—all this week He has brought all manner of teaching about humility to my face, reinforcing what I learned with great pains in the battles.

In the meditation today in DIVINE INTIMACY by Father Gabriel of St. Mary Magdalene, O.C.D., I read:  “We must humble ourselves …under the mighty hand of God, sincerely recognize our nothingness, take account of our poverty; and if we wish to glorify ourselves, we must glory, like St. Paul, solely in our infirmities. It is only in our weakness, humbly acknowledged, that grace and divine virtue work and triumph…[God] stoops only to the humble; the more lowly He finds a soul, the closer He draws it to Himself.  Humility deepens the soul’s capacity to receive the fullness of divine gifts.” [#106]

How long have I known this?  For years.  In how many battles has God permitted me to learn this? I cannot begin to estimate.  Why am I so hard-headed?  Yet to know this in an intellectual way is to remain ignorant still.

We have to experience the full frustration of deception by the evil one, perplexities, vexations, and spiritual pain—to endure a real beating sometimes—to gain the experience of our nothingness.  And then to repeat the whole process often at a later time!  What miserable children we are!

I also found in ROSARY TO THE INTERIOR [http://rosarytotheinterior.com/the-first-joyful-mystery-the-annunciation/ ] this passage from the reflection on the Annunciation/Incarnation:

“The one truth regarding Our Lord’s Incarnation which is totally inexplicable, and therefore truly does make it the ‘most hidden’ of all of the mysteries of Christ is offered to us in a passage from the Epistle of St. Paul to the Philippians:

For let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But emptied himself, taking the form of a servant, being made in the likeness of men, and in habit found as a man. He humbled himself, becoming obedient unto death, even to the death of the cross.” (2: 5-8).

“ It is the humility of Christ in the Incarnation which is the ‘least understood’ of all the mysteries of Our Lord. It can make no rational sense to us as to why an Eternal and Infinitely Perfect God should lower himself to be united in human nature with men who are nothing in themselves; that He should then voluntarily suffer the most ignominious and cruel death at the hands of men – that He should be spat upon, scourged, mockingly tortured with a crown of cruel thorns, forced to bear His own Cross, and Crucified – in order to merit the grace of their salvation; and then still be rejected by the vast majority of mankind.”

If He emptied Himself, how can I not empty myself?  In DIVINE INTIMACY, same meditation, St. Therese exclaims: “O Divine Guest, You know my misery; that is why You come to me in the hope of finding an empty tabernacle, a heart wholly emptied of self.  This is all You ask.”

Finally, last night I was deeply touched by Mark Mallett’s post, “On True Humility.”  I have read repeatedly the wonderful poem and part of his post which I cite here:

“Humility is perpetual quietness of heart.
It is to have no trouble.
It is never to be fretted, vexed, irritated,  sore, or disappointed.
It is to expect nothing, to wonder at nothing  that is done to me,
to feel nothing done against me.
It is to be at rest when nobody praises me,
and when I am blamed and despised.
It is to have a blessed home in myself,  where I can go in,
shut the door, kneel to my God in secret, 
and am at peace as in a deep sea of calmness
when all around and above is troubled.
(Author Unknown) 

“Finally, a soul is abiding in true humility when it embraces all of the above—but resists any kind of self-satisfaction—as if to say, “Ah, I am finally getting it; I’ve got it figured out; I’ve arrived… etc.” St. Pio warned of this most subtle enemy:

“Let us always be on the alert and not let this very formidable enemy [of self-satisfaction] penetrate our minds and hearts, because, once it enters, it ravages every virtue, mars every holiness, and corrupts everything that is good and beautiful. —from Padre Pio’s Spiritual Direction for Every Day, edited by Gianluigi Pasquale, Servant Books; Feb. 25th

“Whatever is good is God’s—the rest is mine. If my life bears good fruit, it is because He who is Good is working in me. For Jesus said, “without me, you can do nothing.” [3]

“Repent of pride, rest in God’s will, and relinquish any self-satisfaction, and you will discover the sweetness of the Cross. For the Divine Will is the seed of true joy and real peace. It is food for the humble.”

I don’t know where Mark found this little poem, but how amazing it is.  How amazing that the Holy Spirit constantly supports us with every grace for union with God—whatever we need. This Lent is a time of immense grace and gratitude for me—I hope it is the same for you.

“REMAIN With Me” — Reflections by Lourdes Pinto

A couple of weeks ago, our spiritual mother, Lourdes, sent a beautiful reflection on the Joyful Mysteries to our community, “Remain with Me.”  I have been praying the rosary, meditating on the main ideas; but what stays with me are the beginning and part of the meditation on the Presentation. This I have entered deeply, or it has penetrated my mind and my heart in a way it never has before:

 “…REMAIN with Me as I continue to shed tears for Jerusalem… remain with Me in My continuous agony for souls, to participate with Me in the salvation of the world, as you choose daily to receive the brokenness of the souls I have placed in your lives and to suffer with Me for them.” [Emphasis mine]

 Also, during this time I have been watching some videos on GMO’s, [genetically modified organisms] which pervade our food, and fluoride, a toxic additive in much of the water in the United States.  [See also The Real Truth about GMO’s and Seeds of Death.] How are these two activities related?  Watching the videos, surveying the health damage to so many lives, the genetic destruction of creation, the animals and plants, my heart was pierced with sorrow, great heaviness hanging over me till I had to cry,  “My Lord, what have they done to You?” In her contemplation of Christ’s Passion, St. Faustina cried out:  “O eternal and infinite God, what has love done to You?….” [Diary of St. Faustina, #267]

Not only all of humanity, but all of creation suffers in agony and anguish from sin, since greed and corruption strike not only the people, all people whom God loves so much, but also His creation.  How can the Lord of all creation not groan when He sees what is happening?  St. Paul tells us:  “For in Him were created all things in heaven and on earth…all things were created through Him and for Him…and in Him all things hold together” (Col. 1: 16-17). And also, St. Paul tells us further in Romans 8: 20-22 that creation is a slave to corruption and “all creation is groaning in labor pains even until now” as we wait for the redemption of our bodies.

I can’t help but realize that Christ is weeping over Jerusalem, over His people, His whole creation now, every day; and that His suffering in us intensifies daily as even creation waits for its liberation and “we wait for the redemption of our bodies.”

The teaching from the reflection on the Presentation is this:       Remain with Jesus as our hearts are pierced. How? By REMAINING IN THE PAIN….enter, through deep contemplation, the sorrows of the brokenness of the souls we live amongst. This deep and hidden pain must consume the heart of a hidden victim soul so that we live more-and-more consumed in the pain and love of the Sacred Heart, until that subtle transformation is accomplished in us – no longer I live, but Christ’s pain and love lives in me.

            Remaining in the sorrows of Christ becomes our means to ‘pray without ceasing’!”

 Our community teaches us that we first have to enter our own wounds, core wounds, mother/father wounds, etc. To peel back the layers with which we have buried them, running away from them, denying them.  To cleanse from the wounds the lies with which Satan has infested them, the lies which led us into disordered reactions, defensive devices, even sinful ones.  First we must cleanse our personal  wounds through pure repentence and abandonment of our wounds to Christ.  Then only can we enter the pain and suffering of Christ. First, we must fully experience our own pain and suffering. We must remain in the pain.  Not block it, dodge it, or deny it. And we must continue to do this daily as we are wounded daily in so many ways.

To touch the wounds of Christ with our wounds is to touch His love. To enter the wounds of Christ through our wounds is to suffer as One with Him,  creating intimacy, Union.  We read in The Path:  “Lived this way, our wounds become a passage into His Sacred Heart.” [Simple Path, 3-A-1, p. 94]

I was amazed to realize that the sorrow and great heaviness that I felt on watching these videos indicated new personal wounds, and like all our personal wounds, I needed to enter through them into the suffering of Christ.

Through the intimacy of suffering with Christ, our personal pain is transformed into the pain of Christ for his beloved souls and for creation.

 It is, as Lourdes explains to us, that we must “enter, through deep contemplation, the sorrows of the brokenness of the souls we live amongst.” Truly, as soon as we become consumed by the pain and agony of the Sacred Heart, we become consumed by the brokenness of the souls who are the focus of His anguish.

 What to do with this pain?  REMAIN in the suffering of Christ.  For “Remaining in the sorrows of Christ becomes our means to ‘pray without ceasing’!”

St. Paul tells us in Rom. 8:17 that if we suffer with Him, then we will be glorified with Him.  The point is that we must suffer with Him first.

Lourdes refers also to St. Paul’s beautiful scripture in Galatians 2:19-20:  “I have been crucified with Christ; yet I live, no longer I, but Christ lives in me.”  What she actually says is this:  …”no longer I live but Christ’s pain and love lives in me.” What has happened in the process of taking my wound to the wounds of Christ is transformation:  “we live more-and-more consumed in the pain and love of the Sacred Heart, until that subtle transformation is accomplished in us: no longer I live but Christ’s pain and love lives in me.”

Through this transformation into the Heart of Christ, we become His living hosts, suffering and praying ceaselessly for His entire creation, assuaging His anguish for the souls He so loves.