Just a few days ago, I found a treasure online, a profound work by St. Bernard which I had never seen before. However, the format of the files was so difficult to read that I was moved immediately to edit it myself, making it user friendly and scaled to fit on phone or tablet. The Table of Contents is on p.. 16. Pages are designated in blue; find titles in bold red. Enjoy!
For some days now I have been working on a Rosary meditation book. The primary source of reflections is THE SIMPLE PATH TO UNION, the formation manual for Love Crucified Community, CONCHITA: A MOTHER’S SPIRITUAL DIARY, and other books recommended by the Love Crucified Community. Although my primary intention is to give this little document as a gift to my community, others may find the meditations inspiring and helpful. Please enjoy as you see fit. The pdf document, created in small pages, should be easily readable on your tablets.
Today I discovered a charming and deeply spiritual blog called “A Cloistered Heart.” I can’t do it justice here without stealing some of Nancy’s thunder. Let me just quote this one little part: “THE CLOISTERED HEART IS a way of living for God in the midst of the world. It is heart monasticism that can be embraced by married or single persons, religious or lay. It’s an analogy in which our lives can be “monasteries,” our hearts can live in the “enclosure” of Christ, and all things may be viewed through the will of God as through a “grille.”
This lovely mother and grandmother is a woman after my own heart! One of her initial posts explains the cloistered heart in greater and more profound detail: http://www.thecloisteredheart.org/2017/08/so-what-is-cloistered-heart.html
I return often to my own post, THE INNER CLOISTER OF FIAT–it’s the same idea which I captured from my beloved Conchita and of course, Love Crucified refers also to our “domestic monasteries.”
Enjoy her lovely artwork and the graphics. She cites so well many of the saints. What a refreshing blog!
The Holy Spirit has been much on my mind and in my prayer in the last couple of weeks. Not only do I return to Him periodically, but I often write about Him because I don’t think we appreciate His great presence as we should.
In one of our Cenacles of Love Crucified, Pati told us that we should put a copy of our Covenant where we can see and pray it daily. [Love Crucified is a Catholic covenant community, a community of lay men and women, husbands and wives in some cases, and ordained priests and deacons as well, all solemnly vowing to live in a covenant of sacrificial love as brothers and sisters helping one another on the path to Union with the Blessed Trinity. See: http://lovecrucified.com/ ]
Following Pati’s lead, I have been meditating on the covenant in the last few days, noting this part in particular: “My Lord, I surrender myself to the Holy Spirit and vow to be attentive to His promptings and movements in my soul, that I may come to a deeper knowledge of Christ and of myself….”
In the last few years I have become so conscious of the Holy Spirit, so thirsty to come to know Him and “to be attentive to His promptings and movements in my soul.” But how? How does this look in every day practice; and specifically, what does one do to accomplish this in real time?
I determined to review the posts I have already written on the Holy Spirit and see if I could gain some perspective and insight. Then I saw this article a few days ago on a Catholic website, Spiritual Direction, which published an article: “Gift of the Holy Spirit and the Divine Indwelling”:
“So, what does indwelling even mean? Indwelling is the supernatural presence of the Holy Spirit in a person who is in the state of grace.’ … Christians are temples of the living God when they choose to cooperate with grace. St. Augustine says, ‘Although God is everywhere wholly present, he does not dwell in everyone. It is not possible to say to all what the Apostle says: ‘Know you not that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?’ He that is everywhere does not dwell in all, and he does not dwell equally in those in whom he does dwell.’” [https://www.spiritualdirection.com/2017/10/19/gift-of-the-holy-spirit-and-the-divine-indwelling]
The Holy Spirit dwells within us from the moment of our baptism and will leave only when we are no longer in the state of grace. But St. Augustine tells us here that “he does not dwell equally in those in whom he does dwell.” What does that mean?
What can it mean but that if we ignore the Spirit of God who Indwells us, we do not grow in grace, and that the more we cooperate with grace, the deeper and more profound the Indwelling. What could deepen the Indwelling more than “to be attentive to His promptings and movements in my soul”? Now it is clear to us WHY we need to be attentive; but HOW?
I remember a wonderful post by Mark Mallett a year ago, RAISE YOUR SAILS. He combined three aspects of spirituality: the “strong driving wind” of the Holy Spirit, abandonment to the Divine Will through the duty of the moment, and embracing the Cross, especially as we face the Storm.
My reflections on his post led to my own post , HOLY WIND. This morning I was deeply moved again by Mark’s explanation:
“At each and every moment, trust the Holy Spirit who blows where He wills according to My plan….
“Each and every moment the Divine Will of God blows in your life within the present moment. All that is required of you is to simply raise the sails of trust into the Winds of the moment and, turning the rudder of obedience, do that which the moment requires, the duty of the moment. Just as the wind is invisible, so too, hidden within this moment is the power of God to transform, sanctify, and make you holy—yes, hidden behind the mundane, the ordinary, the unglamorous; behind crosses and consolations, the will of God is always there, always working, always active.”
To respond to every impulse and movement of the Holy Spirit in the Divine Indwelling is simply to “do that which the moment requires.” If we look at our life, often hectic and confusing, paying attention to the Holy Spirit seems impossible; but Mark tells us: “hidden within this moment is the power of God.” Obedience is needed in just this moment, one moment at a time, whether mundane, ordinary, unglamorous. We are blind; but “the will of God is always there, always working, always active” in the moment. All I need is to “do that which the moment requires.”
Isn’t this the way Mary, the spouse of the Holy Spirit, led her entire life? Each moment was filled with a simple FIAT.
In UNDER THE GAZE OF THE FATHER, Ven. Luis Martinez reminds Conchita:
“Do not forget that because of the mystical incarnation the Holy Spirit moves you almost constantly, not only in actions which seem important, but in all actions, even in ordinary and small ones. Are there perhaps common actions for souls that the Holy Spirit possesses and moves? Even though you are unaware of it, your divine Spouse constantly moves your soul, and places His divine seal on your activity” [p. 179].
What that means for us is that as living hosts, other Christs, the Holy Spirit constantly moves within us, even though we may be unaware of it. He is the constant Pulse of our life as he places His divine seal on every action, “even in ordinary and small ones.” Like Mary, spouse of the Holy Spirit, we are to submit our will in abandonment and fiat in each moment; like Mary, we too will be spouses of the Holy Spirit, as we grow in grace before God and man, yearning to be utterly filled with the Divine Indwelling.
If the Holy Spirit is not the pulse of your life, then who or what is?
LINKS TO MY OTHER POSTS ON THE HOLY SPIRIT:
“The Holy Spirit and His Seven Gifts” – https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/soul-food-talk-8-the-holy-spirit-and-his-seven-gifts/
“Touching the Holy Spirit—Part 1” – https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2015/05/27/touching-the-holy-spirit-part-1/
“Touching the Holy Spirit—Part 2”- https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2015/07/01/touching-the-holy-spirit-part-2/
“Sensuality and the Holy Spirit” – https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2016/04/21/sensuality-the-holy-spirit/
“Unity in the Holy Spirit”- https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2016/07/09/unity-in-the-holy-spirit/
“The Holy Wind”- https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2016/10/16/the-holy-wind/
POSTS ON THE SACRAMENT OF THE MOMENT:
“The Sacrament of the Moment”- https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2015/11/18/the-sacrament-of-the-moment/
“Abandonment to Divine Providence”- https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/soul-food-talk-5-abandonment-to-divine-providence/
“My Little Tabernacle of Ordinary Life”- https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2017/07/06/my-little-tabernacle-of-ordinary-life-from-ammies-testimony-on-being-a-living-host/
With the hurricanes, the quake in Mexico City, and now the massive shooting in Las Vegas for no perceptible reason, my heart, like that of so many, feels exceedingly sad. I sit before the Blessed Sacrament and don’t know what to say. Silence speaks for me. Yes, I plead for those suffering so grievously, but really, all that I find in my spirit is the groaning. I pray that the Holy Spirit speaks for me in His unspeakable groaning.
When prayer is so difficult, when the land of our heart is arid and dry and often confused, how can we pray? I’ll tell you what I have done. I’ve gone back to the Jesus Prayer: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, the sinner.” In 2013 I was so deeply attracted to this prayer which is truly the backbone of the Eastern Orthodox contemplative life, that I researched it and spent much time reading about it and practicing it. So much so that I lived and breathed it, even praying it in my sleep. [I remember waking up with the prayer in my heart and on my lips.]
At that time I wrote a talk on the prayer and shared it with several women in my parish church. Several of them took it much to heart and grew in prayer as they prayed it. One elderly black woman told me, “The Holy Spirit comes in between the words.” This is precisely how it works on the heart—”the use of a sacred phrase as a “prayer word” for focusing one’s attention while learning to pray through the splendor of the silence that exists “between the words” of our thinking minds “ [according to St. John Cassian (360-435 ad)].
When your heart seems dead or sad, struggling, and your mind is distracted and unfocused, this prayer word will help you reach interior silence. It will center you in the presence of God through its utter simplicity and humility. Don’t be deceived by its simplicity, however; this prayer will draw you to a profound place in prayer. It’s an ideal way to prepare for contemplation.
I helped my ladies make “Jesus beads”: a simple crucifix with 100 beads on a circular cord (like the rosary), resembling the prayer ropes of wool made by the Eastern Orthodox monks and nuns. But you can use your rosary just as well. I pray that you find, like my dear friend, “The Holy Spirit comes in between the words.”
Here you will find the talk that I gave four years ago providing historical and liturgical background, some of the deeper considerations to keep in mind as you enter the practice of the Jesus Prayer:
SOUL FOOD Talk 2: THE JESUS PRAYER – Part 1
[1.] THE JESUS PRAYER — The classical form of the Jesus Prayer is, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” The actual words of our short prayers can vary. We might say the classic version of the Jesus Prayer, or we might say, “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” We may say, “Lord Jesus, have mercy.” A favorite ejaculation or scripture would be excellent–try to incorporate the name of Jesus. You can make the prayer intercessory by adding: [have mercy] “on the whole world.” MAKE THE PRAYER YOURS; MAKE IT FIT YOU. Try to use the same form/s continuously so that it will enter deeply into your subconscious and into your heart.
[2.] BIBLICAL ORIGIN: Theologically, the Jesus Prayer is considered to be the response of the Holy Tradition to the lesson taught by the parable of the Publican and the Pharisee, in which the Pharisee demonstrates the improper way to pray by exclaiming: “Thank you, Lord, that I am not like the Publican,” whereas the Publican prays correctly in humility, saying, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.” (Luke 18: 10-14)
[3.] THE HISTORY OF THE JESUS PRAYER goes back, as far as we know, to the early sixth century, with Diadochos, who taught that repetition of the prayer leads to inner stillness. Even earlier, St. John Cassian (360-435 ad) who spent quite a few years in the Egyptian desert, did bequeath one absolutely essential gift to western contemplation: the use of a sacred phrase as a “prayer word” for focusing one’s attention while learning to pray through the splendor of the silence that exists “between the words” of our thinking minds.
[4.] PRAY CEASELESSLY –We are all called to pray without ceasing, says St. Paul in Thess. 5:17. The real question is, how. The Jesus Prayer provides one good way to pray constantly. In fact, the Jesus Prayer is the widespread and most specifically Orthodox spiritual prayer. Our task is to draw nearer to God. St. Isaac of Syria says that it is impossible to draw near to God by any means other than increasing prayer.
[5.] THE POWER IN THE NAME –Biblically, knowing a person’s name gave power over that person. Name was linked with being. To speak God’s name, YAHWEH, was to invoke the power, presence, and being of God Himself, so the Hebrews would not say it, but out of respect used ADONAI (Lord) instead. In the New Testament, Jesus explicitly gives us God’s name, FATHER, and tells us to use the name in prayer. Jesus gives us access to the Godhead through the name. Jesus told His Apostles that they hadn’t really used His Name in prayer enough. “Hitherto you have asked nothing in My Name; ask and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:23).
[6.] WHEN TO PRAY The Jesus Prayer is recommended in a block of 10-30 minutes once a day, at your preferred prayer time. (Begin with 10, and increase as you mature in prayer). This is the “formal” use of the prayer. The second form of the Jesus Prayer is the “free” use of the prayer. This means at any and all other times of the day, or night. This is especially true for the semi-automatic tasks such as driving, doing dishes, walking, being unable to sleep, etc. The Jesus Prayer is notably useful in time of extreme concern, upset, or temptation.
When alone, we might find it helpful to pray the Jesus Prayer, out loud. This can help lower the distraction level. In the beginning, you can also use a beautiful chanted or sung version to help you get started.
7.] SOME PRACTICAL SUGGESTIONS: Don’t feel hurried or pressed to “finish” the beads. Lovingly “work” each bead with all the longing and adoration and humility of your heart. Don’t feel compelled even to “finish” the words of the prayer form you have chosen. Sometimes it is enough to taste the name of the Lord and let it linger on the tongue and the heart. Don’t hesitate to change your prayer in the middle of the beads if a different prayer enters your heart, but gently return to the rhythm of the prayer when it is next feasible for you. To close, even if you are in the middle of the beads, say a spontaneous prayer to the Lord or to Mary, make the sign of the Cross, and kiss your crucifix.
[8.] PRAYER OF THE HEART – The Jesus Prayer is also called the Prayer of the Heart. In Orthodoxy, the mind and heart are to be used as one. St Theophan tells us to keep our “mind in the heart “at all times. Heart means the innermost core of the person, the spirit. Heart means our innermost chamber, our secret dwelling place where God lives. There is within us a space, a field of the heart, in which we find a Divine Reality, and from which we are called to live. The mind, then, is to descend into that inner sanctuary, by means of the Jesus Prayer or wordless contemplation, and to stay there throughout our active day, and evening. We descend with our mind into our heart, and we live there. The heart is Christ’s palace. There, Christ the King comes to take His rest. I like to think of the Jesus Prayer as my “door” to enter my inner sanctuary any time I can.
[9.] SILENCE is a choice. Silence, at its best, is God-awareness. We quiet down our outer and inner lives, and listen to God speak. Someone said that when God speaks, His words are like the sound of a flutter of a bird’s wings. We need to be attentive if we are to hear anything. Inner silence can usually be achieved only by substituting one thought for another. Hence, the Jesus Prayer overrides our usual compulsive stream of consciousness about our own anxieties. Beginning with this form of prayer, then we might be led to deeper inner stillness, prayer without words (CONTEMPLATION). The caution here is that prayer without words is not heaviness, semi-sleep dullness. Rather, wordless prayer is alive, vigorous God-awareness.
[10.] CONTEMPLATION is a gift of God, a direct meeting with a personal God, on God’s terms. This special kind of inner silence, inner stillness, is experienced by wordless sitting, imageless contemplation. When consciousness strays, a phrase like “Lord Jesus” can be used to bring the mind back, and then the person sits quietly in the presence of the Lord. The desire of wordless sitting awareness is to open oneself to God, to listen to God. Both the Jesus Prayer and contemplation make us single-centered, concentrating upon the here and now, focused, one-pointed. The point is God.
[11.] PRAYER ROPES/BEADS- Orthodox prayer ropes are usually soft and made of wool. The purpose is to help us concentrate, not necessarily to count. In the famous book, The Way of the Pilgrim, the pilgrim said the prayer 2,000, then 6,000, then 12,000 times. Is 12,000 Jesus Prayers better than 2,000? Absolutely not. Quantity has nothing to do with love, and a living relationship with Jesus. The pilgrim did 12,000, no more and no less, as an act of obedience to his spiritual father, not because he was “making progress.” He also prayed much because that was his “heart’s desire.” Every prayer is an act of love, made to the Author of Love, Who is waiting expectantly for our desire, and our acceptance of His Love.
[12.] THE JESUS PRAYER AS HEALING – As medicine, the Jesus Prayer is destructive of the passions and altering of conduct. Just as a doctor places a dressing on a patient’s wound, and the dressing works without the patient’s knowing how, calling on the Name of God “removes the passions” without our knowing how and why, according to Sts. Barsanupius and John of the Egyptian desert.
The Holy Name, when repeated quietly, penetrates the soul rather like a drop of oil, spreading out and impregnating a cloth. Our modern translation of “mercy” is limited and insufficient. “Mercy” comes from the Greek eleison. Eleison has the same root as elaion which means olive and olive oil. In the Middle East, olive oil provides physical healing for many sicknesses, particularly respiratory. “Have mercy” means to pour “healing oil” on my soul.
The Fathers tell us that praying the Sacred Name changes our personality, from overstrain to joy. “Hitherto you have asked nothing in my Name; ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (Jn 16:24). The Jesus Prayer functions as therapy, much like healing oil, transforming our personality from overstrain to joy, and by our continuing to pray, these changes become permanent.
[Primary source, Part 1: SAYING THE JESUS PRAYER]
THE JESUS PRAYER – PART 2, FURTHER CONSIDERATIONS
[13.] In the free use of the prayer the mission is to find Jesus everywhere. In the fixed or formal use of the prayer the mission is to create silence. It’s often hard enough to achieve exterior silence, to find a quiet time and place to pray. Even harder is to find interior silence; because of the way we are made, we hold a constant conversation with ourselves, our imaginations and minds constantly moving from trivial fleeting thoughts to those of greater consequence. As you settle down to prayer in a comfortable chair, after you have begun to quiet your spirit, you may want to read briefly from a favorite book or scriptures, or even to pray the rosary or other prayers meaningful to you. Then, as you begin the Jesus prayer, pray with your eyes closed.
[14.] The repetition of the simple formula, while being a heartfelt prayer, occupies our mind and imagination so that our hearts can enter into a deep silence, as we become conscious of the presence of the Lord. Fingering the Jesus beads occupies our bodies so that they too become participants, entering their own quiet– we do not fidget.
[15.] Focus on the words of the prayer to reduce distractions, even praying it aloud in the beginning. Central to the prayer is the name of Jesus: Lord Jesus Christ. All power is in that name above every other name. Son of God: beloved of the Father. In John 14, Philip tells Christ, “Show us the Father and it will be enough for us.” Jesus replies, “Philip, whoever sees me sees the Father.” Jesus is the outpouring of the Father’s heart. “Have mercy on me/us.” Remember the origin of “eleison” – from the root word for “olive”–the mercy of God is an anointing, a healing oil that soothes as it is absorbed. “On me, a sinner: These words name the depth of our poverty, our frailty, our misery before the all-majestic and pure God. As soon as we empty ourselves of our pride and know our poverty, we can be truly filled. Remember that God is one, His mercy is one with His peace, His love, His light, His purity, His anointing Spirit that makes us one with Him. What we are really asking for is for our greatest and deepest need, whatever it is. Inevitably, it is the Holy Spirit itself. The more we pray the prayer, the deeper the teaching we will receive from the Holy Spirit.
[16.] As we pray, embrace your Lord in three ways:
Embrace his feet in repentence, as you weep with Mary for His mercy. We ever have a need to embrace His feet in repentence. St. Philip Neri used to tell Jesus, “Keep your eye on Philip, Lord; he is likely to betray you.” Embracing the feet of Jesus is one of the hallmarks of the purgative way.
[17.] Embrace the Sacred Wound in His side as you pray to embrace the Father’s will along with Christ, more perfectly, entering into His passion. When we embrace His Sacred Wound in His side, His sacred heart, we recline on the breast of Christ like St. John at the last supper. There is no better place to learn our theology.
[18.] Embrace His sacred face as you pray, “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth” (Song of Songs, 1,1)--as His mercy flows into you in the anointing of the Holy Spirit, making you one with Him as bride and beloved. St. Bernard of Clairvaux explains that Christ is the mouth of God (His incarnate Son). St. Bernard says: “Christ kisses us with the kisses of his mouth by giving us the Holy Spirit who makes possible this most intimate union between us individually and Christ.” Receiving the kisses of His mouth is one of the hallmarks of the unitive way.
[ 19]. As we are more and more greatly purified and illumined, we prepare ourselves like eager brides for the kisses of His mouth, the greater and deeper abiding in the Holy Spirit, in the Holy Trinity.
[20.] In short, embrace Jesus, embrace the Father’s Will, embrace the Holy Spirit in repentence, in poverty, in reverent humility, in the fullness of your longing and desire to be one with the Blessed Trinity.
[21.] As time passes, you will find yourself embracing Christ in all three ways, depending on where you are in your spiritual journey. There are three definite stages in our spiritual journey acknowledged by the saints and by theologians: the purgative, the illuminative, and the unitive. [ See Soul Food Talk 1, Expressions of Prayer] We generally find traces of all three in ourselves at different times. God has his rhythm and way with each one of us in our uniqueness. Yet one thing is sure, He calls every one of us to holiness; and holiness is perfect union with the Trinity.
From a Catholic Theologian, Dr. Peter Kreeft: “Jesus”: The Shortest, Simplest, and Most Powerful Prayer in the World
Before Hurricane Harvey, before Irma, I wrote in my journal: For the last few weeks I have been in somewhat of a spiritual Limbo—going to Adoration and Mass, yes, but rather dry, tired mostly from continuing insomnia. I have felt myself pulling back. I don’t know how else to say it. It was not from choice, but from feeling; I was, at best, only half conscious of this, but it grieved me. I felt I was being unfaithful.
Then, this week, while trying to walk in the mall for exercise, I made an unwise purchase, a vanity purchase, a frivolous act which is truly not in character for me; and it distresses me, pushes me to repentance. I ask myself and Jesus: “What is happening here?”
This dryness has physical cause, I know, the insomnia—but how did I come to this frivolous act so unlike me? I say with the Gospel: “An enemy has done this!”
I am little and weak, Lord. As with David, give me five stones for my slingshot: humily, purity, simplicity, trust, and courage.
Mother, help me to live always in the inner chamber of Fiat.
Trying to work myself through this strange ennui, still confused about what I had done and why I had done it, I returned to a continual meditation on FIAT, reading and reflecting on this little paragraph which I wrote last spring on HARDNESS OF HEART: “Mary’s FIAT was the unqualified, open response of a heart utterly divested of design, plan, or expectation–a heart free to receive the completely unexpected….” And also on THE INNER CLOISTER OF FIAT, Jesus tells Blessed Conchita: “You are to live cloistered in the very inner sanctuary of your soul, for there is where dwells the Holy Spirit. …enter into the innermost regions of your soul…. The ‘inner cloister’ is essential for the sanctification of the soul wishing to be all Mine.” The Holy Spirit then revealed to me: ““In the perfect FIAT of my Mother, I find my inner cloister.”
I felt I had moved outside of God’s will—outside of FIAT, for as short time as perhaps it had been—that I had been unfaithful, having failed humility, prudence, and charity. For what I had spent I could have sent much relief to Texas, and now Florida. I determined that my penance would be to wear the cosmetic products, and every time I did, I would see and feel the humiliation on my very face, the shame, the disgrace I had brought upon myself—so well deserved.
Over the last few years, I cannot tell you how many times I have prayed with Blessed Conchita, her words from a holy hour [which I read and first prayed in Oct. 2014]: “I want to live and die hidden in a sacrifice…immolation, far away from every human glance, burning myself like incense in the midst of my roughness, with a constant death to all my self-will. Help me, my Life, to destroy within my heart every self-indulgence, consuming myself silently as the candle flame before your altar.”
Now God had hit me between the eyes with a 2X4, showing me my vanity—very much alive and well, my self-will, self-love, self-indulgence. I have been humbled, so very humbled.
Then today the Holy Spirit led me to a little book, Rev. Garrigou-Lagrange’s book PROVIDENCE, largely based on Father de Caussade’s classic. I came upon this quotation by St. Catherine of Siena: If My servants are confused at the knowledge of their imperfection, if they give themselves up to the love of virtue, if they dig up with hatred the root of spiritual self-love… they will be so pleasing to Me… that I will manifest Myself to them…. My charity is manifested in two ways; first, in general, to ordinary people. The second mode of manifestation… is peculiar to those who have become My friends…. When I reveal Myself to her it makes itself felt in the very depths of the soul, by which such souls taste, know, prove and feel it”.
God consoles. Yes, this servant is confused by the knowledge of my imperfection despite my love of virtue, and oh yes—I am digging with hatred the root of spiritual self-love…. Yet He promises to reveal Himself to me: “to those who have become My friends…. When I reveal Myself to her it makes itself felt in the very depths of the soul, by which such souls taste, know, prove and feel it.”
Certainly it is this root of spiritual self-love, self-indulgence or vanity on the sensual level, that trips us up and makes us fall. I have crawled back into my little inner cloister of FIAT humbled and grateful to my Consoler. I continue to pray Conchita’s prayer because this love of virtue is the greatest desire of my heart. The more fiery my desire for virtue, the greater the hatred with which I will attack the root of spiritual self-love. I have my five stones which served David well against Goliath: humility, purity, simplicity, trust, and courage—and they will also serve me well.
In one of her last retreats with Venerable Archbishop Luis Martinez, Conchita reflects on “Absences”—especially the palpable absence of Jesus in this retreat: “Lord,” I said to Him with my heart heavy, “why haven’t You let me feel Your presence during this retreat, as in the others? Why does it seem to me that You are veiled and have hidden so as not to let me see You clearly, as on other occasions?”
Conchita uses the plural, “absences” because most of the time in her spiritual life she has enjoyed the delights of His presence as intimacy. Yet the experience of absence, whenever it occurs, invites her to a deeper level of redemptive suffering for souls and for priests. How appropriate in this retreat which probes the meaning of the mystical carnation, her vocation to be a living host, that she deeply suffers His absence.
Jesus explains to her: “… if, through My absence, through not letting you experience My sensible presence, other souls and priests give Me glory, then, do you not want it?
“Is it not true that you willingly and out of pure love for the glory of My Father, do without consolations, caresses, My nearness to your soul, for the sake of priests and especially for the glory of My Father?
“If you only understood what this detachment offered out of pure love is worth in the presence of God!
“…offer yourself in union with Him, painfully deprived of what you hold most dear: My consolations, apparent absence, veiled presence and the sensible caresses of My pure love.
“I alone understand the magnitude of this hidden martyrdom; it is the supreme sacrifice of a soul on earth, and what gives My Father the most glory, because it is a loving, motherly sacrifice.
“How few souls penetrate the secret which I reveal to you today! They see the external, but do not arrive at the very depth of My heroic sacrifice on the Cross. How could I do without the love of My Father, which wrenched a loving groan from My soul full of bitterness, a cry of infinite suffering, because the divinity had hidden itself, in a certain sense, from My sight?”
Tears came to my eyes and Jesus, so good, gentle and compassionate told me:
“Weep, weep over this more or less intense apparent separation from what you love most; but even these tears, this very sensitive and holy suffering, unite it to My suffering and offer it exclusively for the glory of My Father. Promise you will do it, won’t you?”
“For this I brought you here to make you taste this bitterness, to make you know its salvific consequences in all its extension on behalf of so many priests, so that you may sprinkle the Church in her members with your tears” [Under the Gaze of the Father, pp. 85-86].
We read in the New Testament that after the death of Jesus, two of Jesus’ disciples left Jerusalem mourning and confused about the loss of their Lord. After the Resurrection, He appeared to them on the road to Emmaus, walking and talking with them, finally revealing Himself to them in Emmaus. As they hurried back to Jerusalem from Emmaus, they said to one another: “Were our hearts not burning within us?” [Lk 24:32].
The burning of the heart occurs in the conviction of His presence, in the sweetness of intimacy. The suffering of absence turns this burning into ashes, no longer even warm. Sometimes it feels as though the intimacy of His presence had never been nor ever will be again. We wonder if we have deluded ourselves, that this burning delight of the heart has been merely a figment of our imagination.
This piercing sorrow of absence has been experienced by many saints, Mother Teresa of Calcutta, for example. This dark night of the soul lasted throughout most of her life. [See “The Kiss of Jesus”: https://soulfoodministries.wordpress.com/2016/11/18/the-kiss-of-jesus-mther-st-teresa-of-calcutta/
Isn’t this “suffering of absences” also the essence of the Soledad of our Sorrowful Mother Mary? Father Philipon, the editor of Conchita’s Diary explains soledad in this way: “solitude,” “isolation,” and silent martyrdom in pure faith, in the apparent absence of God…” [Conchita: A Mother’s Spiritual Diary, p. 172].
He adds further: “Mary’s solitude is the most perfect association with the redemptive act of Christ. The drama of our salvation is decided at the very moment when Jesus was abandoned mysteriously by His Father, and when He Himself abandoned Himself, in response, with confidence and love, into His hands. It is the consent of a man in supreme agony” [Diary, 177].
Furthermore, Jesus Himself explains to Conchita: “You had for long pondered the first solitude of Mary, that is, the exterior solitude, but you had not thought about the cruelest and the bitterest, the interior solitude which tore her to pieces and in which her spirit felt an agony on account of being abandoned.
“The martyrdom of Mary after My Ascension was not caused solely by My material absence. She suffered terrible tests of abandonment like to that I Myself underwent on the Cross. My Father united her to Mine which gained so many graces.
“As co-redemptrix, Mary heard in her soul so wholly pure the echo of all My agonies, humiliations, outrages and tortures, felt the weight of the sins of the world which made My Heart bleed, and the moving sorrow of the abandonment of heaven which obtains graces.
“You are to be a faithful echo of this Mother of Sorrows. You must experience the pure abandonment, My own abandonment, this desertion which through purification acquires graces.”
He clarifies for us that this suffering of absence is the abandonment of the “Trinity, which hid itself from her, leaving her in a spiritual and divine abandonment….
“This abandonment of Mary, this vivid and palpitating martyrdom of her solitude, the desolating martyrdom of divine abandonment, which she suffered heroically with loving resignation and sublime surrender to My will, is not honored.
“Imitate her in your littleness, in your poor capabilities strive with all the strength of your heart: you must do it in order to obtain graces and to purify yourself” [Diary, 177-178].
Christ makes it clear that this abandonment, the suffering of absence, is redemptive: “It is a great honor for souls when the Father calls them to associate them with Redemption; with the co-redemption uniting them with Me and Mary; with the apostolate of the Cross, that is, with that of innocent suffering, of sorrow full of love and pure, expiatory and salvific sorrow on behalf of the culpable world” (Diary, June 23, 1918) [178-179].
Love Crucified pleads with us to “suffer all with Me, no longer two, but one in My sacrifice of love.” Mary suffers all with Him, including the pinnacle of His passion—the abandonment of the Father—which tears from the humanity and heart of Jesus these words: “My God, my God, why have You abandoned me?” Mt. 27:46]. As we suffer with Jesus and Mary the hidden martyrdom of the suffering of absence, we too participate in redemptive love. In the Diary we read: “Solitude is participation in the inmost Passion of Christ’s Cross and a consequence of the mystical incarnation” [p. 174].
If we are nailed to the Cross with Love Crucified, if we are living hosts, we must also participate in the grievous sorrow of abandonment by the Trinity, the tangible loss of His presence, the cold ashes of the dark night of the soul. In her last days Conchita wrote in her Diary:
“Mother of Sorrows whom I love so much, teach me to suffer as You suffered and to love Jesus as You loved Him in your awful solitude” (Oct. 13, 1936). “I promise Him with all my heart to abandon myself in the God who abandons me” (Oct. 6, 1936) .
Today I was stunned by the profound beauty which I found in UNDER THE GAZE OF THE FATHER, a retreat on the mystical incarnation, which Archbishop Luis Martinez gave in 1935 to Venerable Concepción Cabrera de Armida, our beloved Conchita. On the ninth day of her retreat, Archbishop Luis spoke of sacrifice.
Having referred often to the mystical incarnation, living host, as well as a host of other beautiful teachings, I am humbled by the difficulty of explaining or even showing in the remotest way how all of this is related to our life in the Spirit. It occurs to me that this gift of our baptism, our new life in the Holy Spirit, could be compared to a splendid jewel with thousands of brilliant facets. Jesus himself compared the Kingdom to the pearl of great price. I think what I try to do in each post is to explore one tiny facet of this jewel of our spiritual life, yet all remains deepest mystery which we can only touch upon, but never fathom.
In his meditation on sacrifice, our beloved Archbishop explains that Jesus loves Abba so much that He willingly sacrifices Himself on the Cross, but he also explains why the Cross is the ultimate vehicle for that love. He says, “…because divine love is infinite, its expression is infinite, its gift is infinite, and its canticle is infinite. In heaven, in the bosom of God, the expression of love is the ineffable communication of the Divinity in the inscrutable divine processions.” [Under the Gaze, p. 77]
What he means is that divine love in heaven, in the bosom of God, expresses itself in the interplay of the persons of the Trinity, the Father pouring himself wholly and completely into His Word, the love of the Father and the Son expressing through the Holy Spirit—the entire mystery of the Trinity—the uninterrupted outpouring of infinite, eternal love.
But on earth, in Jesus, now the God/man, how can this “uninterrupted outpouring of infinite, eternal love” hope to express itself in finite flesh? As Archbishop Luis exclaims,
“When this love is transplanted on earth, as it was when Jesus appeared on it, what will its expression, gift and canticle be like? What will Jesus, who bears eternal love in His Heart, do in order to tell His Father that He loves Him, in order to intone the full and just canticle to God’s glory?”
“On earth, there is no infinity! Here all expressions are narrow and all gifts limited, and all canticles are poor in harmony, faded and ephemeral, since they cannot fill the universe with sonority, nor contain in their poor notes the infinite fullness of harmony!”
“On earth, heavenly love found its expression and canticle in the Cross…. The suffering and death which are symbolized by the Cross are the infinity of earth, the infinity of poverty and misery, but in the end, infinity.” [ p. 77]
The Cross is the ultimate canticle of the God/man. In the Cross lies earth’s infinity of suffering, self-giving, and holocaust of love. If Christ could have given more, He would have. The very fact that the Cross was the way He chose to express the completeness, the fullness of outpouring of His love for the Father tells us that there was simply no other way to do it. The Cross is the ultimate kenosis. No other way for Him. No other way for us.
Ven. Luis gives us this:
“On earth, the expression of the divine love is the Cross, which is the self-giving of something finite made in an infinite manner and the canticle of this love is the “Consumatum est” of Calvary. It is the voice of the Spirit which cries out, of the blood which is shed, of the water which flows out of the open side.” [p. 78]
But the Canticle of the Cross is not for Jesus alone. He speaks to each of His baptized children: “If you would come after Me, deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me.” [Lk. 9:23] Archbishop Luis adds:
“… in order to show its love for the Father, in order to find its expression and canticle, the soul seeks the mysterious and unspeakable canticle of the Cross. On the Cross, the soul offers Jesus and nails itself to it with Him.”
I wrote in an earlier post, “The Cross is the bridal chamber where union takes place in the intimacy of suffering.” Nailed to the cross with Christ, the victim with the Victim outpours to Abba from a finite little heart the infinity of an eternal Canticle of Love. Here is “the self-giving of something finite made in an infinite manner” of which Archbishop Luis speaks. St. Theresa understood this kind of canticle, doing the little things with great love. Like St. Theresa, we are crucified, too, in the ordinary tedium of our little lives.
Most beautiful is the way Archbishop Luis ended his meditation. After reflecting on the Works of the Cross and those points particular to Conchita, he says:
“…the transformed soul… fused with the Heart of Jesus, sings with Him the canticle of suffering and death to the glory of God on earth.” [p. 79]
The transformed soul is, of course, the soul which has received the gift of mystical incarnation. For a long time I wondered if this gift was special, only for Conchita, but Archbishop Luis refers on several occasions to “mystical incarnations.” For example on p. 68-69, he tells Conchita,
“How, without being Jesus, could the soul realize the intimate and fine work of the sacrifice and the intimate priesthood of Jesus?”
And on p. 74:
“Being Jesus, the soul loves the Father, reflecting Jesus’ love and seeking His glory as Jesus sought it so that the love, suffering, actions and life of the soul aim with perfect unity and intense concentration at one point, just as all the activities of Jesus’ soul converged to the glory of the Father, the center and crowning of Jesus’ life.” Don’t we have here in the “love, suffering, actions, and life of the soul,” the Canticle of the Cross? One Victim, one Song.
The Holy Spirit transforms the soul, if it is faithful; it is in and through the Holy Spirit that the Canticle of the Cross pours forth to the glory of the Father. I learned from Archbishop Luis long ago, that “wherever the little Dove nests is the Heart of Jesus.” When the Holy Spirit nested in the Blessed Virgin, she incarnated the Son of God. So it is with us. Only through the power of the Holy Spirit and in our complete abandonment to Him can our hearts be fused to the Heart of Christ and we become one spirit.
It is through the Holy Spirit that we are transformed into His living hosts [which is another way of expressing Conchita’s “mystical incarnation”]. We read in A SIMPLE PATH TO UNION, in message 49 on the Eucharist:
“Your ordinary and hidden life through the Cross becomes united to My Eucharistic life. Your hidden life takes on the same power as My hidden life because we are no longer two but ONE. These are My living hosts. In this union of love, you enter and live in the realm of God. Through Me, with Me and in Me your most ordinary life is the power of God. Your thoughts, words, deeds, but most especially your tears and sorrows of heart, possess the power of God to bless the world. Your hidden life not seen by anyone is seen by God; and through Me, with Me and in Me, He blesses many. Your life as ONE with My Eucharistic life moves beyond time and space.” [A SIMPLE PATH TO UNION, P. 162]
This is the end for which we were created, for which we were baptized. From the hearts of His living hosts, the Canticle of the Cross rises to the glory of the Father: “…the transformed soul… fused with the Heart of Jesus, sings with Him the canticle of suffering and death to the glory of God on earth.”
[For my sister Monica, a living host whose faithful heart and soul are being stretched in union with Love Crucified upon a most bitter cross…]
Ammie’s revealing testimony was so piercing, so clear in its sorrow and meaning. Among the many things which she said, was this little phrase, “My little tabernacle of ordinary life,” a phrase which pulled so many feelings and ideas together for me.
Exactly five years ago this July, before my husband died, before I joined Love Crucified, I made what seemed at the time a tremendous commitment: 30 minutes of meditation/ contemplation (if the Lord would grant it) a day. Then I asked Him, “What do You want me to do for this 30 minutes? For the answer, I did something I rarely do—open the Scriptures at random—I was driven to tears when I read:
“My lover has come down to His garden,
to the beds of spice,
To browse in the garden and to gather lilies.
My lover belongs to me and I to Him;
He browses among the lilies.”
In the last five years, as my commitment grew to one hour of Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament and daily Mass, He has driven my naiive heart past the intimacy of the enclosed Garden where He browses among the lilies—the virtues, the lilies which He daily gathers.
Through Ven. Conchita, He has led me to plumb the inner sanctuary of my heart, my “inner cloister of Fiat” in Mother Mary. It was to Conchita that He first said, “You are to live cloistered in the very inner sanctuary of your soul, for there is where dwells the Holy Spirit. It is in this sanctuary you must live and die. There are your delights, your consolations, your repose. Do not look elsewhere for it, you will never find it. It is for this purpose I have created you specially. From today on, enter into the innermost regions of your soul, into those areas so unknown to so many others but where is found that happiness which I am. Enter into it never to leave it…. The ‘inner cloister’ is essential for the sanctification of the soul wishing to be all Mine. You must never leave this inner sanctuary, even in the midst of your outside obligations.”
The inner cloister is above all hidden, personal—where the presence of the Holy Spirit penetrates through the ordinary, unremarkable days of my life. Often I feel nothing, realize nothing, forget Him, yet He never leaves the inner cloister.—and one turn, one glance, one insignificant act of love in a trite day can draw me back to where He waits.
One of the lovely expressions of Love Crucified Covenant Community is “our domestic monastery”—which, it seems to me, fosters that inner cloister of which He spoke.
In Lourdes’ recent teaching, we visited again one of our central teachings on living hidden lives: “You will live your hidden lives like me in prayer, sacrifice and suffering. Your hidden lives lived in your domestic monasteries will be a source of grace for the sanctification of priests”[Message 98].
As we reflected on the “Altar of the Cross” Lourdes cautioned us: “To come to the altar of sacrifice in the Mass without having lived my daily sacrifice in the altar of my home or work, is a sterile sacrifice to the Father. The words of the Mass – through Him, with Him and in Him – must be lived out daily in the ordinary and tediousness of my life, in the sacrament of the moment. It is only in this way that my sacrifice is truly pleasing to God and made perfect in Jesus’ sacrifice of perfect love. “
In part 2 of our Eucharistic reflection, Jesus tells us: “Your ordinary and hidden life through the Cross becomes united to My Eucharistic life. Your hidden life takes on the same power as My hidden life because we are no longer two but ONE. These are My living hosts. In this union of love, you enter and live in the realm of God. Through Me, with Me and in Me your most ordinary life is the power of God.
Your thoughts, words, deeds, but most especially your tears and sorrows of heart, possess the power of God to bless the world. Your hidden life not seen by anyone is seen by God; and through Me, with Me and in Me, He blesses many. Your life as ONE with My Eucharistic life moves beyond time and space” [Message 49].
Intimacy with Jesus, with the Holy Trinity grows and takes place at the same time in the sweet intimacy of the enclosed Garden, in the sanctuary of the heart, in the inner cloister of Fiat where dwells the Holy Spirit, in the simple domestic monastery, in the hidden tabernacle of the Eucharist where Union makes us victim with the Hidden Victim of Love, in the daily, ordinary tedium of our lives as living hosts, one Heart, one Mind, one Will with Love Crucified.
How lovely Ammie’s little phrase, “the little tabernacle of my ordinary life” where sorrow and the bitterness of grievous suffering breaks open the heart and stretches the soul as wide as the altar of the personal cross.
In Under the Gaze of the Father, Ven. Luis Martinez tells Conchita: “…interior suffering is especially for Him. The intimacy of joy or suffering, of light or darkness, is of little importance, since it will always be love and, in any case, it is intimacy with Jesus who is your Lord, Love and All.”
In her reflection, Ven. Conchita acknowledges the sorrow and bitterness of soul which has grown in her heart year after year: “I must believe that at the bottom of my bitterness there is love, love which grows each year, and that Jesus unites Himself with my soul in ever closer union.”
Intimacy which begins in sweetness and browsing among the lilies grows with the years into an intimacy of suffering—but “it is of little importance, since it will always be love, and in any case, it is intimacy with Jesus….”
Ammie, a Mother of the Cross in our community was recently diagnosed with lyme disease, six months after the similar diagnosis of her husband, a Missionary of the Cross. You may find part 2 of Lourdes talk on the Eucharist and Ammie’s testimony here: TESTIMONY. Part 1, the Eucharist: LOURDES’ TALK.
In her recent teaching to us on the Eucharist, I was struck by this phrase: “the altar of the cross,” which Lourdes used. What made it meaningful to me was the context of the phrase. What she said was this:
“Wherever our cross is, there is our altar of sacrifice. There is where our offering during the consecration of the Mass becomes real, our sacrifice as real flesh, the real pain of our suffering WITH Christ’s.” [Emphasis is mine..]
How often have you heard “Live the Mass”? This is the reality which Lourdes addresses. I have been taught in Love Crucified to enter my sorrows, my pains, my core wounds—not to minimize them, not to gloss over them, not to ignore them. We have the tendency to distract ourselves from pain. And often our greatest sufferings are in our relationships with those closest to us, family, friends, co-workers– our altar of the cross.
Here is what is most critical: “Wherever our cross is, there is our altar of sacrifice. There is where our offering during the consecration of the Mass becomes real….”
We need to ponder deeply how the cross manifests itself in our lives. Whoever we may be, single or married, divorced, widowed, rich or poor, one reality is a constant. To live Christ, to live the Mass is to live in love in our relationships. In A SIMPLE PATH TO UNION, Christ tells us: “Ponder every relationship and situation in your lives where you are not loving with Me, through Me and in Me. Ask yourselves, “Why is it so difficult to love this person or to love in these situations?” It is precisely in those situations and with those persons where you need to be purified. It is only in this way that you can become ONE with My Eucharistic life and be transformed into Love”.[#57] For each of us the cross lies in that person in our lives who is most difficult to love.
Even clearer is this explanation: “To come to the altar of sacrifice in the Mass without having lived my daily sacrifice in the altar of my home or work, is a sterile sacrifice to the Father. The words of the Mass – through Him, with Him and in Him – must be lived out daily in the ordinary and tediousness of my life, in the sacrament of the moment. It is only in this way that my sacrifice is truly pleasing to God and made perfect in Jesus’ sacrifice of perfect love. “
The Mass in my life is my sacrifice of the cross, those difficult relationships “lived out daily in the ordinary and tediousness of my life, in the sacrament of the moment” –this is the Mass which I live in union with my crucified Christ. If I cannot bring my ordinary life to the cross in this way, my offering of the Mass is not real but insubstantial and shallow.
As our lives change, that difficult person may change, but the cross is a constant. Jesus tells us to deny ourselves, pick up our cross, and follow Him. As we struggle to confront that person with gentleness, tenderness, kindness, generosity, we live the Mass. Our offering is a true holocaust, real, substantial, one with the sacrificial love-offering of Jesus, both on the domestic altar of our home and on the consecrated altar of our parish church.