What My Soul Can Bear

Tonight I realized that Jesus does not give me what He needs or wants to give me in a moment of grace, but ONLY WHAT MY SOUL CAN BEAR.  This thought came to me as I began rereading part of UNDER THE GAZE OF THE FATHER, p. xxvi.  The author is explaining one such moment in the life of Ven. Conchita:

“That day she heard again:  The Father is here looking at you…the Son, offering you His Blood…and the Holy Spirit beating His wings to come to  your soul.  The Three Divine Persons desire to enter your heart, and to form in it their throne…their cross…their nest…This I heard, and I remained confused…overwhelmed… inflamed before such condescension.  He made me see His greatness…power… immensity… Wisdom…and Love…and I (…) placed my forehead on the ground, and I opened the doors of my soul to that most Blessed Trinity, which is real…imprisoned… locked…in a host.’

Just Friday I wrote my post,“HIDDEN FORCE,” which begins with my little question to Jesus in the tabernacle, “What are you doing in there?” and His response, “I am knitting together the broken universe.” I am dumbfounded by the comparison of my little conversation with the Lord, then Conchita’s situation—same Lord, same host—but what a profound difference!  Conchita seems to me , in her being overwhelmed, confused, inflamed, to be a perfect example of a soul receiving only what it can bear.  No matter how holy, humble, pure the soul, it is bound to be overwhelmed, confused, inflamed by the presence of the Gift  which ever threatens to annihilate our miserable incapacity.  Tears, prostration, abandonment—what other response can there be? Especially since the overwhelming Gift is “real…imprisoned…locked…in a host.”

This is, for me, a vision of Adoration: the adorer—naïve,  unsuspecting, assuming an ordinary posture and understanding, expecting the simplest gift—and the Adored, Holy, Majestic, Pure and Loving beyond all thought and imagination, containing Himself and all the Desires of His manhood and Divinity in a little white host so as not to overwhelm the little one. I have not even begun to process “the most Blessed Trinity, which is real…imprisoned…locked…in a host.”







‘Hidden Force” — The Simple Path to Union

       Unable to sleep early this morning, it was the Hidden Force that played on my mind.  As I lay half asleep, half awake, the Holy Spirit wrote an entire post for me drawing on memories, buried scriptures, and recent meditations on passages from The Simple Path to Union.

When I first began daily Adoration, I used to sit and gaze at the tabernacle.  I would ask the Lord,  “Jesus, what are you doing in there?”  Unexpectedly, one day He answered me,  “I am knitting together the broken universe”—an answer that drove me to tears.  You know the way a bone heals?  It knits together, drawn by the life-force, the powerful urge to healing.  This is the kind of knitting which Jesus does in His hidden life in the tabernacle, His Eucharistic life. [Post:  Jesus, What are You doing in there?]

The Holy Spirit drew me to the vision of the valley of dry bones of Ezechiel.  The famous prophecy of chapter 37 which depicted for Ezechiel how Yahweh could, from dry bones, separated and broken, bring to life a dead people.  I thought of another image from Simple Path, an interior vision similar to that of Ezechiel:

 134 – My Victim Souls Have the Power to Bring Back to Life Dead Hearts, Diary of a MOC — Feast of the Sacred Heart Jesus.

             This morning in Mass I saw Jesus interiorly in my heart in radiant Light holding His Heart in his left hand. His entire being was Light, not just His Heart. A Light moving out, expanding, penetrating…. A Light that also drew you into Himself.

             Then tonight I began to see Jesus again in the same way; but there was no light coming forth from Him, and the heart I was now seeing in His hand was small, shriveled and black. It seemed like a dead heart to me. I could not understand what the Lord was revealing to me. After the Mass, before the Blessed Sacrament, our Lord explained:

             “The Light of God will not shine forth for a time. It is you (meaning plural) that must keep My Light shining in the world. This heart dead in sin, which I reveal to you tonight, (this one dead heart represented many), will come back to life through the blood of My martyrs of love. Receive tonight on the Feast of My Sacred Heart these hearts….Water these hearts with your tears of sorrow, pray for them through the prayer of your pure suffering, bless them with your kiss of love and anoint them with the graces of My Eucharist. It is the life of My victim souls that has the power to bring back to life the dead. My daughter, raise up many victims of love, for many will be lost during the time of great darkness”. (6/15/12) [The Path, p. 354]

             How often we look around us at the broken world and feel so helpless.  The need is so great, and we are so small and helpless.  But we are not helpless.  Years ago, Jesus revealed to Conchita that from the moment of His conception, His heart suffered an interior martyrdom of agony for souls, an interior passion that would actually be assuaged in His physical passion.  Yet what the world continues to see is that exterior passion.  He told her:  “Through the external Cross, which all can see, I was a victim acceptable to the Father by shedding My blood, but it was above all through the interior cross that redemption was accomplished.”  Then later:  “I want, more than external martyrdom, interior martyrdom of the heart. That is why I want them to unite themselves to My Heart which is broken more than any other. “ [Conchita: A Mother’s Spiritual Diary, p. 317]

            Another passage from The Simple Path to Union:

  39 Martyrdom of the Heart, Diary of a MOC

            The martyrdom of the heart is the martyrdom of suffering with Love and for Love. My daughter, if you could only understand the fruit of the martyrdom of suffering, you would desire nothing else on earth. The hidden life of suffering with Love and for Love is of far greater worth than great and small works tainted with human recognition. Believe in the hidden force contained in the martyrdom of the heart. This is the purest fragrance of love that has the power to conquer the enemies of God. (11/9/12) [The Path, p. 139]

We see that it is in union with Christ in the Eucharist that we participate in martyrdom of the heart—it is this hidden martyrdom that generates the hidden force which brings to life dead hearts, that knits together the dry bones, the broken universe.  Jesus also tells Conchita:

            “I am the Head of the Church, and all who are Mine are the members of this same Body and must continue in union with Me, expiation and sacrifice till the end of time. My passion was consummated on Calvary, but those who form My Church must continue the passion in themselves, offering themselves in reparation for themselves and for others to the Trinity in union with Me, victims with the Victim, and having the same qualities of victims.” [Conchita, p. 327]

Such a life seems impossible to us, but the Path teaches us in Chapter 3 that our ordinary life is a hidden force:

            “In our daily hidden lives we are given the opportunity to live the hidden martyrdom of love. We make every one of our acts, including our daily chores, into acts of love. We become the “hidden force” that has the power to transform hearts and nations and to pierce all darkness. Jesus promised us this power to love through His words to St. Faustina, “And great will be your power for whomever you intercede.” [The Path, p. 152]

             St. Faustina tells us:  “My sacrifice is nothing in itself, but when I join it to the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, it becomes all-powerful and has the power to appease divine wrath” (Diary 482)

In The Simple Path I find Pope Francis speaking about “martyrs of everyday life”:

            There is also the daily martyrdom, which does not result in death but is also a “loss of life” for Christ, people doing their duty with love, according to the logic of Jesus. These people are the fathers and mothers who every day put into practice their faith by devoting their lives for the good of the family. [The Path, p. 153]

The Holy Spirit brought to my mind all the hidden souls who live and suffer in union with the Eucharistic Christ, the many monks and nuns—not just those names whom we associate with sanctity, the St. Teresa’s, Padre Pio’s, St. Faustina’s—but of their unknown, innumerable companions, the little souls hidden away.  What is it that they did that was remarkable?  Their lives were simple and ordinary, even in the monasteries and convents:  intense daily prayer of course, but also cooking, baking bread, cleaning, washing dishes, tending gardens or fields, sewing church vestments, petting the monastic cat, etc.  All ordinary actions such as we do every day, but charged with the hidden power of martyrdom of the heart, the daily grind that chews us up and transforms us into God’s bread, the hidden force that knits together the broken universe.